Amity Affliction Book One: Suppressed - Comments

Definitely an original story. I like that you've presented us with a lot of the background to where this scene came from, but not so much as to overload us with it. The one thing I would suggest is spending a little more time on setting your scene. As the writer, you've probably got the exact image of what's happening in your head, but we as readers don't. So just describe it a little more - tell us what is smelt like, what it felt like, what it sounded like. Other than that, great story idea and interesting prologue. I look forward to reading more. ~Gliss

I got this in the comment swap, but I was gonna read it anyway. Fate's funny in that way.

I had a little bit of trouble reading the material because the purple is so bright against the black. Well, maybe not bright. It's very...blunt. That's the word I'm looking for. I'd suggest using a darker purple against the vibrant purple so it's not so in-your-face.

The paragraphs aren't really paragraphs, according to Mibba editors. To space them out, press the Enter key twice and then start typing your new paragraph. I know it's weird, but it prevents you from getting reported. Trust me, you do not wanna get reported.

Other than that, awesome!

First off, I automatically didn't like the lack of spacing between the lines. You had a few grammatical errors but all can be fixed. I enjoyed the strong ending with Amity swearing to take on the Government.