I’m here as the new host for the ‘Show Me What You’ve Got’ contest.
Wow, this was fantastic. The overall feeling of this was so sluggish and tired and dark. I could feel that exhaustion and your comparison to the antique furniture and the stuffed rabbit were brilliant. You kept reiterating that time moves on without you, whether you want it to or not, and sometimes you can’t keep up. Sometimes you don’t want to. That resonated so much.
I also really loved your balance between run-on sentences and short, blunt ones. Usually, run-on sentences bother me because they can become confusing easily. More often than not, I have to reread them because only half of it really sunk in. However, I feel like the run-on sentences actually complemented the vibe and feeling of this entire one-shot. It felt like the exhaustion and messy thought process of a depressed person. The swing between run-on and blunt definitely highlighted this. Sometimes you think in long, drawn out sentences and sometimes it’s as blunt as one word. It put me into the character and helped me connect really well.
I really enjoyed this a lot. It was well-written with a lot of tense emotions, so great job!
I like the "You've become..." parts. The comparisons of the couch and the rabbit to the person are unique and well written. The constant reference to the clock and the sentence structure also speeds up the pace of the writing which goes with the theme. Nice job. :)
Wow, this was fantastic. The overall feeling of this was so sluggish and tired and dark. I could feel that exhaustion and your comparison to the antique furniture and the stuffed rabbit were brilliant. You kept reiterating that time moves on without you, whether you want it to or not, and sometimes you can’t keep up. Sometimes you don’t want to. That resonated so much.
I also really loved your balance between run-on sentences and short, blunt ones. Usually, run-on sentences bother me because they can become confusing easily. More often than not, I have to reread them because only half of it really sunk in. However, I feel like the run-on sentences actually complemented the vibe and feeling of this entire one-shot. It felt like the exhaustion and messy thought process of a depressed person. The swing between run-on and blunt definitely highlighted this. Sometimes you think in long, drawn out sentences and sometimes it’s as blunt as one word. It put me into the character and helped me connect really well.
I really enjoyed this a lot. It was well-written with a lot of tense emotions, so great job!