Breaking Free - Comments

  • SJDTrefethen

    SJDTrefethen (100)

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    Your story has a lot of mixed emotion it. It gives it a realistic view into her life. I loved how you use the poems to show how Cate feels throughout the story. To me it gives the story more feeling and a better understanding of Cate herself. I was glad that after all the horrible things that she went through, there was a moment in the end showing the sun begging to shine even with the death of Declan. In all, I really liked your story. You did a good job.
    October 8th, 2014 at 08:44am
  • Vampire's_Addiction

    Vampire's_Addiction (100)

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    I like the use of poetry every three chapters or so. It almost gives a better insight into Cate's head/mind/opinion. In a way it distances us (the reader) from the emotion that's going on, whilst at the same time, giving us a glimpse into her real thoughts, that is incredibly hard to get across when writing normally. I enjoyed this story, the main character although strong, had weakness and her friendship/trust with Declan, although built quickly, appeared quite natural to a point. Overall - I really enjoyed it & will be recommending!
    September 25th, 2014 at 08:08pm
  • little motorkitty;

    little motorkitty; (630)

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    I found this story to be quite interesting. The poems every third chapter were unique, but I think it would make the story flow better if you actually incorperated them into the storyline, say she kept a poem journal or the like. I also feel like the trusted Declan too quickly, in my opinion it's just not as believable as it would be if there were more chapters building up their friendship. But that's just my opinion, apart from that it was really good.
    December 16th, 2012 at 01:31am
  • ouija

    ouija (140)

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    -Comment Swap-

    I like this story. I also really like Cate and Declan together. They're really adorable. The whole thing would be even better if you had a layout. I like how it's not too much dialogue. I also like how in between the chapters, you have like these little poem things. Looking forward to more :)
    November 27th, 2012 at 02:27am
  • ouija

    ouija (140)

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    -Comment Swap-

    I like this story. I also really like Cate and Declan together. They're really adorable. The whole thing would be even better if you had a layout. I like how it's not too much dialogue. I also like how in between the chapters, you have like these little poem things. Looking forward to more :)
    November 27th, 2012 at 02:27am
  • istealdreams

    istealdreams (100)

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    Comment swap. I feel like you should have a layout to make it feel enticing, but thats just me. But anywho I read six chapters so far and I must say I really like it so far. I like the way how you add Cate's thoughts in there so its not just the conversation or additional info. Ad I also love how you went outside the box and made poems for the chapters, thats hella creative.
    September 25th, 2012 at 02:49am
  • Mini Mindfreak Casey

    Mini Mindfreak Casey (100)

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    *Pokes* Write more.
    September 8th, 2012 at 02:15am
  • Riku

    Riku (100)

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    i love the story i feel so conected with the character and the poems are beautiful and it adds to the emotion of the story. im definatly going to keep reading. your writing ability is superb. Smile
    September 7th, 2012 at 02:38pm
  • Airi.

    Airi. (2240)

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    @ Dedicated Stereotype
    Ah, does it? I apologize, my mind must have skipped that. I can get easily distracted when reading things and my mind may miss things. My apologies. ^^' In that case, for get what I said about that. XD
    August 15th, 2012 at 04:43am
  • Dedicated Stereotype

    Dedicated Stereotype (100)

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    @ Airi.
    In the end of the first chapter, it says 'the soft ding of the doorbell alerts me to my brother's arrival home.' Just thought I'd let you know.
    August 15th, 2012 at 04:37am
  • Airi.

    Airi. (2240)

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    For the comment swap.
    I'll be reading chapter 1 & 2.


    I got a little confused during the second chapter. I'm assuming from the title that Jack was her brother, right? It might be beneficial to better explain what connections your characters have because it seemed like Jack was a really random character and, if it hadn't been for the chapter title, I wouldn't even have had a sliver of a guess as to who Jack even is or what connection her has to the main character. There just wasn't any explanation of what Jack's connection was and he seemed random, it confused me for a while when reading the second chapter. Even just a small mention of the word "brother" when she's talking/thinking about Jack would have been good so your reader's knew what connection he had to her.

    Other than that, I think your story was very well written. Your spelling and grammar are both very good and your story seems to have a lot of potential. Nicely done. ^^
    August 14th, 2012 at 10:00pm
  • yodailicous

    yodailicous (100)

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    The poem type story- even if it is only every third chapter- reminds me of Ellen Hopkins. I absolutely adore her. It's really interestingly written. I love how you write. It's just so nice.
    August 14th, 2012 at 08:49am
  • Dedicated Stereotype

    Dedicated Stereotype (100)

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    @ Mini Mindfreak Casey
    Thankyou!! If you hadn't told me I would have never noticed. Smile
    August 13th, 2012 at 03:40am
  • Skinny Love

    Skinny Love (100)

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    I really love how you made every third chapter a poem. Its a really creative idea and a really refreshing format. Even though the subject matter is a little heavier than I generally read I actually quite enjoy reading your story. Keep up the good work!
    August 12th, 2012 at 12:15am
  • Mini Mindfreak Casey

    Mini Mindfreak Casey (100)

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    Aha, Cate Blanchett. Nice. xD
    August 11th, 2012 at 03:28am
  • Mini Mindfreak Casey

    Mini Mindfreak Casey (100)

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    "Now, you're sure you're fine. Everything's okay at home?"
    "Yes. Fine." I go through the routine I've had rehearsed for years now. Knowing that one day, I would end up in a situation exactly like this.
    "You don't fight with your mother?"
    "No, we don't fight." It's surprising how easily lying comes to me now.
    "And there's nothing going on with your classmates?"
    "No, nothing." I know that he's coming up to the real question, the one I have no answer for. I glance at Declan, who is sitting in the chair beside me for god knows what reason. I thought these meeting were supposed to be private. To my astonishment, he looks genuinely concerned about me.
    "Then do you care to explain the reason behind what happened between you and Declan?" I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. For once, I have no excuse, no false reason behind my actions, and I am stuck wondering why. It's not the first time I've been in a situation like this and every other time I've been able to get out of it; but this is different and I've no idea why…

    "And everything's okay at home?"

    I'm sitting in the school counsellor's office, with Declan by my side, trying to persuade him that I'm perfectly fine. It's not working.

    "Yes. Fine."

    "You don't fight with your mother?"

    "No, we don't fight."

    It's surprising how easily lying comes to me now.

    "And there's nothing going on with your classmates?"

    "No, nothing."

    I know that he's coming up to the real question, the one I have no answer for. I glance at Declan, who is sitting in the chair beside me for god knows what reason. I thought these meetings were supposed to be private. To my astonishment, he looks genuinely concerned about me.

    "Then do you care to explain the reason behind what happened between you and Declan?"

    I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. For once, I have no excuse, no false reason behind my actions, and I am stuck wondering why. It's not the first time I've been in a situation like this and every other time I've been able to get out of it; but this is different and I've no idea why.

    I think you accidentally copied and pasted it twice or something, because you repeated yourself.
    August 11th, 2012 at 03:19am
  • popsular

    popsular (100)

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    Chapter three made me feel really sad...

    I don't even know any comforting words really. I'm never good at making people feel better. And that just isn't something you feel better about...
    August 10th, 2012 at 02:46pm
  • Dedicated Stereotype

    Dedicated Stereotype (100)

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    @ Spencer Walter Reid
    That's okay, no offence was taken.
    August 10th, 2012 at 11:27am
  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

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    I hadn't meant to make my comment rude or offensive and I'm sorry if I did.

    That's a good idea, though, kinda like a trial run.
    August 8th, 2012 at 12:32pm
  • Dedicated Stereotype

    Dedicated Stereotype (100)

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    @ Spencer Walter Reid
    Thanyou for sharing your opinion. As this isn't the only comment I've had on the length of the story, I'd like to clarify that I wanted to see how well this would go before going into more detail. I am planning on making it longer, I'm just giving it a bit of time.
    August 8th, 2012 at 08:57am