Bedtime Stories - Comments

This is definitely an interesting concept. I really liked the characters and the thoughts you put behind them. It makes you feel connected. And you find yourself just as excited as the the girls for story time. I do wonder what happened to the mum though.

I like the concept, and I like your characters. However, the change in tenses is a little hard to keep up with. Try to keep it consistent to make it a little more reader friendly.

The detail and efforts you have put into the characters really pays off. They are not 2-dimensional, but feel very realistic and vivid.

Keep writing and developing this story and I am sure your writing will flourish. I like what you have so far! :)

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I've really enjoyed what you've wrote so far, Waterloo Road is one of my favourite tv shows so it's nice to see something that relates to it in a sense but is also extremely unique just like yours, you're a very talented writer and anyone could see that you have potential, in general and to take this story further too. I really hope you update soon as what you've wrote is great and I can't wait to see how this pans out as a whole story. I also really like your use of wording and your ability to set the scene so descriptively, something I'm envious about. I really like your banner and layout too, I think it fits extremely well and adds that extra catch in order to draw in the attention of the reader. Keep up the great work. I have to agree with the comment below in a sense though as you should write for yourself because if it makes you happy what else matters? I know getting other people's opinions/feedback can mean a lot too as they can be so constructive and helpful, but I feel like people will read this story and love it regardless as what you've got so far is gold.

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My biggest thing right off the bat is this; write for yourself. Don't write for other peoples approval. You should always write for yourself because you need to love what you write.

Other than that, I like this. I like the characters. I like your attention to detail. You are an excellent writer and as long as you remember to write what you love, you'll only get better.

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I don't like how the end of your summary is a plea for readers to comment and read your story. I feel as if that pushes a reader to want to comment instead of commenting automatically and willingly. The end of your summary should have a catch that will draw your reader in and I think that your note should be in the author's note at the end of your first chapter. It just looks unprofessional to me.

Aside the summary, I really actually enjoyed the story which wasn't something that I was expecting after truly reading the summary. It just didn't seem to be something that I would enjoy. Though there were some parts that were hard to read and a couple mistakes, but those can easily be fixed.