The Mountain and the Valley - Comments

First love, the layout. It's beautiful :-) Nothing can be said negative about it at all.

The paragraph at the first page before even reading the first chapter is intriguing. It stopped me from eating my doughnut anyway to focus on what had been written haha! (sound like a right fatty don't I?)

(Also I only usually read first chapters on comment swaps. Hope you don't mind :-))

The first chapter within the first few paragraphs is amazing, its so well written and the mixture of speech to description works very well. And the fact that their 'mission' so to speak hasn't been clearly explained it makes me think 'what's going to happen next? What are they planning? Are they going to kill someone? Steal something?' because I get that vibe that they are there on bad terms, from the way she feels and the way Willow talks.

Very good start you have, I know you will make this into a masterpiece!

Your layout looks like it could be a cover for an actual book.
The idea for this is original and is threading itself along wonderfully. There's so much mystery to this story, and I have a feeling that was your plan all along.
I'm actually hoping that Willow ends up with Rupert. Weird, huh?

Haha, I love how she just ended with her opinionated claim that Rupert was the smartest - end of story :D
I just love your layout, did you make it on your own??
This chapter blew me away. I have to admit that I was a little wary of the first chapter, but this one blew me away. I am definitely coming back for more! You write like a professional! :)

I only read your summary because a lot of it did not make sense and it made me not want to read the story any more.

I really liked your layout and your title of your story.
"A con artist must be smug" I'm not so sure what this first sentance in your summary meant but I think I understand it a little bit. You also need an adjective to discribe your characters intentions. (e.g malevolent, mysterious, good). Like that!

Your sentace structure is really wordy. Try to make it more real and kind of "dumb it down" a bit. (then again... everyone has their own opinion right?). I will come back and actually read your story but try to make your summary a bit more interesting.

Also, Letters to Normandy gives amazing advice, the King suggests you savour it. :)

Dear ladybird.,

The new chapter is fantastic, and the gripping ending makes us mix with the doubt that haunts the character.

However, we suggest you bring in the scene that brought them enough money for the inn. We want to see the game they play and we want to see what happens to their victims.

The King sends his finest and more noble regards to Rupert. Fatherly love only graces the best of men. Although currently a con artist, the King has high hopes for him.

Truly,

The Knights of Comment Swap

I was so happy to see that you updated! (':

I liked that she used an alias when she was swindling Henry. Poor Henry, though, because he just didn't stand a chance. He totally didn't belong there and to be honest, I almost wish I knew his story. But you already told me that he isn't a real character in the story, just a silly guy that happens to be at at the wrong place at the right time, at least for Willow.

YOU BETTER WRITE A CHAPTER THREE, ANNIE. There will be consequences if you decide to quit this story. I want to know more and see an ending!

Also, I like Rupert. I can't tell if he's more of a father or if he maybe likes her and is jealous. Either way, I'm a fan of his! He seems like a good guy so far. (:

Comment swap
I really like how you started your story .It was really descriptive and interesting. Although the summary kinda of lost my interest, but I'm really glad I read the story anyway. It's different than most stories that I read, but it still pulls me in. Please continue, i'm eager to see how Willow fairs. :)

Comment Swap and whatnot
This seems kind of interesting actually, because it's a concept I haven't come across before
Your writing style is amazing and your grammar and spelling is flawless
And I really like the layout
Keep up the good work =)

Hey there! First things first, your layout and the photo on it caught my attention immediately. The summary sort of lost my interest, but I'm really glad I read the story anyway. You have intense and fantastic detail and diction from the very first three sentences. "Eyelids cracked. Saltwater hair. Shoulders hunched out of habit." The very first paragraph had my interest peaked. Your characters seem well-developed and Willow is very easy to like, which is on purpose I assume. I love the name Willow, too. Nicely done.

It's truly hard to find any critiques when you write so well. Your descriptions are fantastic and vivid; and immediately you feel the familial connection between Rupert and Willow. It' sweet.

I love Willow's personality already, her quickness to defend herself--even vanity wise against the old man was quite amusing. It gives us a glimpse of rashness that seems very promising when it comes to moving the plot along or causing issues that may arise.

Your first chapter is lovely, it presents your MC very well, giving us a glimpse into her mind and her past. I can't wait to see where this goes! Best of luck!!

Hello there. ;) I was brought here from comment swap and I have to say I really like it.
Why are you calling them spiders though? That's a mystery, maybe you'll explain it later on as the story goes.
Also, when will the mystery man you described in the summary make his appearance?
I like your writing style and the layout seems to fit your story. :) The descriptions were interesting and I'm wondering how your characters will develop.
Keep up the great work and post soon. :)

I adore your descriptions and I'm actually really intrigued by the whole idea of this. I'm excited to find out more about Willow and how she lives. I'll keep checking in on this story because it's really fascinating.

The only thing I was unsure about was that although it's told from Willow's point of view, it seems sort of impersonal... but I also thought that may be intentional? Since she's a con artist, she'd have to keep her distance from EVERYONE.

I really do love this though. Write on! (:

It's intriguing. It's different than most stories that I read, but it still pulls me in. Willow is an interesting character and I think that you've done well in describing her thus far. Please continue to write more on this story because I'm eager to find out what they get themselves into next. Keep up the good work. ^^

Dear ladybird.,

The King is honoured to make your acquaintance. He sends his greetings through us, the Knights of Comment Swap. He wishes to send his thoughts on your unique piece.

Your summary drew us in with interesting thoughts and ideas. Your first scene almost hinted at the cliche start-the-story-with-the-main-character-waking-up, but you moved away so quickly we hardly realized. You brought a unique view of the character right off, and you pulled in details that kept our attention.

The description and the details of the places these spiders have been are fantastic and intriguing!

Since their are no "spiders" in the kingdom, thanks to us Knights, the King vastly enjoyed this perspective and setting.

Keep on writing. The complications of the website will pass, and your writing will keep on flowing.

Truly,

The Knights of Comment Swap

Comment Swap

Wow...I read the summary for the story and it just drew me in. It was really interesting plot and I like the characters so far althought you don't really learn that much abou them in the first chapter (which is normal). I'm really looking forward to when the next chapter come out!

Comment Swap:
Wow. This was really good. I could imagine it all in my head perfectly. Im really impressed. I can imaigne this being a real book. I can't wait to see how this story goes. It is really well written. I really hope tihs goes good and you get alot of readers and reconmmendations! Good luck! cant wait to read more!

This was actually reallly interesting. I wasn't sure what to expect from the title, and the summary definitely didn't sound like a story that I would normally read, but the chapter surprised me. I like Willow's character, and Richard seems interesting as well.

Your descriptions were really great and you mixed in the perfect amount if dialogue so it wasn't too descriptive or wordy. I'm interested to see where you go with it.

Good job!

CS: Whoa I'm so glad that I got this story for comment swap! I'll be honest: the title of your story gave off the impression of a boring story BUT this seems like anything but that! It's really interesting and I love how you write. You have a great mix of dialogue and description and agh, the first chapter was really great C: I think I'm going to sub' because I really want to see where this is headed c:

Comment Swap:
Wow, this (in its one chapter glory) is already beautifully written. I also agree about them being called Spiders, I think the title fit wonderfully. :) I wish the luck, and I am subscribing