Cold Gin - Comments

wicked story :)

*comment swap*

Okay, so I definitely never listened to KISS although I do know who they are. I'm not into them though, and unfortunately, I had no idea really, what was going on. I can't really critique the plot or anything because of that.

I've noticed that many times, when you should have had a sentence separate from a paragraph, that you haven't hit enter. Instead you've put the sentence over top of a paragraph and it just looks awkward.

Example:
And with that, all three of us are laughing hysterically at the irony of the situation.
Paul is still in his full make-up and outfit, and although the sweat creates a sheen on his body, it’s weirdly attractive. In magazines he’s perfect, but in real life he is even better. I gaze at the ridiculously toned arms and drink in his beautifully androgynous face. He places a hand on my knee, leans forward slightly, and for a second I think he’s going to kiss me, but he just takes an eyelash off my face, places it in his palm, puckers up and blows it into Ace’s face.

That first sentence should be separate. Look through the story and you'll be able to pick out other spots that you've done this.

I like how this is all in the present tense, I find it easier to write that way myself, honestly. You kept up with your tense surprisingly well.

Comment swap sent me here.

I had a shock when I receive this story as I never came across a KISS fic before. Or probably I didn't bother to search for it since I'm not a fan.

Nonetheless, I see that this is pretty well-written. I'm going to base my commentary on the first chapter as I only read that. The way it transition from being in front and watching the guys perform, to being hauled backstage because of a bottle of liquor is pretty believable. I've got no idea how it was like during the 70's, but I'd guess concerts doesn't differ that much from back then.

Since it's your first fic, don't worry about it too much. First fics are usually the make it or break it stories.

THIS KICKS ASS! <3 OMG, WHY HAVE I NEVER READ THIS BEFORE? I SWEAR, IT'S SO GREAT!

I really enjoy this story so far! I think the thing I like the most is as you said, you've used something the band did use. Ie: pointing at a girl in the crowd so the roadies knew who to take backstage.
I think someone pointed out how 'cliche' this was, but I think that's the whole point of Rock in the 70's. It was cliche but we loved it! And I love this story!

This story's layout is just awful.

The colors clash and honestly? It just looks tacky and unthought of. If you can't make your own layouts, you should maybe ask around to find someone who can.

Also, I found the whole plot of this story cliched but then again, KISS did most likely pick up groupies and stuff so I kind of can't fault you on that one. But, I think you should rethink your writing style; it put me off just as much as the layout if I'm honest.

Even though I'm not a big fan of KISS (unlike my dad lol) I like the idea of picking up a girl from a show and taking her to a hotel. And I like how Ace is not pushy because it's her first time and all, I would expect "rock starts" to be more agressive though so I can say I was surprised about that he was just too sweet I guess

Comment swap sent me here.

This is well written and very well paced. I think you did a good job making the characters real. I quite enough Roxy, she's got edge. Most fanfics are not well paced, and even rarer do they have believable characters. In these fields you have done very well.

Oh forgot to say comment swap sent me here.

It's nice to see a KISS story on here, my dad's a huge fan. I like the idea, classic boy meets girl at a concert but you captured the characters perfectly. Another good thing that the character is not a Mary Sue. Good story and well written, better than some fanfictions I've read on here.

@ Everybody Dies;
Thanks for the feedback, that's really helpful, and I'm going to start work on a layout. It's nice to know that even a non-fan appreciates the story. The gin reference is to a famous song they recorded called "Cold Gin", but it's not something I'd expect you to know haha. Thanks for reading it :)

Comment swap sent me here.

I was never the biggest KISS fan, so I apologise in advance if I don't get things that I would if I were a fan. I'm slightly disappointed that you haven't used a custom layout. I would look at making one, they seem to gain you more readers than the generic layout does.

I absolutely love the beginning of your story. I've seen the 'girl meets guy at concert' scenario so many times, but you've put a really original spin on the storyline, so I think you've done a really good job in avoiding this becoming a cliché. You've really captured the essence and excitement of a concert, even in your first paragraph. Your description really is jut flawless, and your style shows through the words really well. The whole gin thing completely confused me, but then again, like I said, I'm not a fan, so I'm probably missing something big, haha! I like Roxy, she seems like a fun character to write!

Overall, not something I would usually read, but seriously well done on this one. You've got a fabulous writing style, and you describe things beautifully, not to mention you have a pretty awesome storyline going here. Keep up the good work! :)

@ eminems_stan93
I had no idea it could evoke this kind of emotion from anyone! Thank you for the rec, and the wonderful comment- I am now determined to maintain whatever I've done to impress you, and will be starting Cold Gin 2 today :D Not going to lie, I love Roxy too. She's a real girl's girl- she's far from perfect, so you won't hate her, and she has insecurities like the rest of us. Thanks for reading the whole story, and keep your eyes peeled for more :)

@ mustachesalsa
Thank you so much :3 you put Cold Gin on and have a blast! I agree KISS are awesome, and the reason why I began writing their fanfic was because the other stuff was just plain stupid and made no sense whatsoever. I hope the other stuff I have planned grabs you the same way, and once more thanks for taking time to read Cold Gin :)

Holy Shit, never have I read a fanfic like this. I love KISS. This is so good I read all of the chapters. I'm hooked. Your writing is so easy to read, it's so clear. Paragraphs are good. i couldn't find any spelling or gramatical problems that need to be adressed so thats a good thing. I really love the character Roxy, I can easily imagine meeting her. You kind of sucked me in and I started to almost live it, and not many stories via comment swap have done that. This story MUST continue! I'm gonna go ahead and subscribe because I want to read more! <3

Oh my god. I am a huge KISS fan, but for some reason, I just can't read fan fictions about them. Except yours. Your writing is very good, and I am officially going to put that song on repeat and drink gin all night. and OH GOD PAUL CALLED ACE AN ANGEL THIS IS WEIRD. Sorry. And Roxy is a really great character, good job on her. And KISS are just being plain awesome.

Oh my god. I am a huge KISS fan, but for some reason, I just can't read fan fictions about them. Except yours. Your writing is very good, and I am officially going to put that song on repeat and drink gin all night. and OH GOD PAUL CALLED ACE AN ANGEL THIS IS WEIRD. Sorry. And Roxy is a really great character, good job on her. And KISS are just being plain awesome.

yay im glad cant

@ GuitarGoddess
Thanks for the feedback! Until now I didn't receive anything so I just left it, but I'm going to put the last 2 chapters up :)

This story is amazing please do continue