Blur. - Comments

This...is the best frerard, story, I have ever read in my entire life.

My fucking life.

The beauty and the imagery, the scandal and hatred, the lust and the love, the emtion. It was beautiful, it was flawless, absolutely delicious. I have never read anything quite like this at all, the way you wrote this one-shot....God, it inspires me to write. Stories don't inspire me to write, ever, but then why does yours?

How you explained ever5ything, it made sense, yet it didn't make sense, it kept me guessing, then all the sudden, BANG!

Right there -holds heart- Right in the heart, love, that's where this story killed me.

I LOVE it.

Review transfer :cute:

megalolz:

Wonderful opening. It gives the reader a hook.

I also like the little sections that are in italics, they break up the story very well. I also like the sound of the storyline, you've obviously planned it well. The descriptions are brilliant, I particularly love this description:

Words sigh within my mind as I watch the rays of sun sweeping at his round peaceful face and reflect on the tangled locks of black displaying shades of electric blue against the dyed hair in beautifully drawn contrast. Every detail of that picturesque illusion around him exposed itself to me, unashamed and uncaring.

I really like how you're taking the time to describe everything, makes the story flow better and you can really imagine what's going on.

And this line: Franks fix people while Frankies get fixed. I like the fact how he's describing himself as somebody who fixes people, rather than wait for somebody to help him. I also like how this reappears later on in the story, because it shows you're thinking about the storyline, rather than adding bits in and hoping they match.

When Gerard asks Frank "who are you?" its such a sad line, because it's like Gerard doesn't know him any more.

I really like this line here: Frankie's scared of Gerard, Gerard's in love with Frankie while Frank loves Gerard and Gerard dislikes Frank. because it gives the reader something to think about. I love that description, it's like there's three different people involved within this, rather than just two.

You also have a really strong ending. I particularly like "his voice raped the silence" and I'm also glad that he loved Frank, rather than Frankie, in the end.

All in all, an amazing story! You've got a great talent for writing, you're great at describing everything, and it made a very interesting read, simply because it was different - an original storyline.

:)

Here's the review I should have posted ages ago. :cheese: :arms:

Your style and word choice is impeccable and beautifully poetic as always. Even though there isn’t much happening in the physical sense, the range of emotions and the depth in which they are explored is amazingly deep and moving. I like that it focused on emotion and feeling rather than any location or string of event after event; singling out a location and events might have taken away from the emotion being shown. This way, it’s laid bare and the emotion and detail is relied on to carry the piece. And it was done so well.

The concepts were amazing; imperfect Gerard, perfect Frankie…and the use of the different Franks and Frankies was original and I liked it. It just seemed so very complex yet, when it was broken down, somewhat simple to understand.

For some reason, I liked the part where I Love You was spelt backwards. I’m not quite sure why, but it just stuck out to me; perhaps because it’s something I’ve never seen done before. And because their relationship is jumbled, and I guess, backwards in some respects; it’s not exactly conventional or simple anyway. And also, because Love is Evol backwards, which almost sounds like Evil. That’s probably just me though. :XD But…that would relate to the unsettling kind of atmosphere throughout the story; how frustrated and confused and helpless Frank seems to feel.

It’s difficult for me to single out other specific parts that I loved, because I loved all of it; every sentence contributes to the atmosphere. The detail is so abstract and beautiful. But, I’m going to single out the parts that stayed with me after I’d finished reading it, and also the parts that stick out to me now as I’m looking it over, just so this review isn’t me rambling (which it probably is anyway :tehe:) ;

That's why I'm not his Frankie. Frankies can't fix people, especially Gerards...

That was such a heartfelt statement. Even though Frank gets impatient with Gerard, and even though he refers to the two of them as ‘almost lovers,’ he still cares for him; and, it seems, very deeply. It seems that Gerard’s a little naïve when it comes to reality, shown in the way that he wants Frank to think he’s perfect. Maybe Frank’s too harsh or maybe he’s just realistic; I’m not entirely sure.

Frankie's scared of Gerard, Gerard's in love with Frankie while Frank loves Gerard and Gerard dislikes Frank.

:cheese:

It’s very straightforward in the way it’s presented, but the ideas within the sentence definitely aren’t; again, I loved the concept of it and also the contrast between Frank and Frankie and their personalities. It seems complex, maybe a bit dark, sad and yet loving. From this, it feels as though they need the alter egos just for their relationship to survive; which really shows how complicated it is.

I love the words you use; some are really pretty and they contrast with the more harsh words.

Tiny little jabs still adorned his breastplate to match the ones implanted within his back in cursive shades of blushing baby pink. The “cursive shades” makes me think of handwriting, running writing, and how it’s meant to be well-presented, neat and beautiful. “Blushing baby pink” seems such an innocent phrase; like I said before, it really contrasts with the more harsh phrases, like “tiny little jabs.” Even when you’re describing something such as fingernail prints in someone’s skin, you still manage to make it sound beautiful, flowing and poetic.

I’m sorry it took me so long to review this. I hope it’s ok. :cheese:
I just freak that I’ll miss the entire point of the story.

Thanks so much for the ded. :arms:

Nothing else I can say other than I loved it.

Kayso, first of all you write really fricking long oneshots. :shock:

This is amazing, pure and simple. I don't know any other way to describe it. It's beautiful and poetic and flowing and simple and gaaah.

Peaceful but not in any aspect Angelic.

That was a beautiful line, because it's just so simple and true. There's no foot-long words to explain it, just pure emotion in the words. Your writing style is amazing, and as much as I read of you, I can never get used to how you seem to write in pure emotion.

A small thing, too, but I liked the way you said 'Tock, tick' instead of the overdone 'Tick, tock' it just added a sense of originality to the entire thing.

The description in this is amazing, I've never known anyone else who could write like this.

Especially lines like "His crystal sharp kisses traced along my perspiring neck, slashing at the pulsating veins with his heated naked breaths; almost as if trying to break skin, to taste the rust circulating the porcelain limbs attached to my numbed self; and my numb eyes; my numb numb eyes, bordering on floating away to the darkness that merged with his locks, the halos beneath his spray-on pupils." It's simply amazing what you can write, Fatma.

I adore how, in a story, you can eliminate the entire world. You can't tell if they're in highschool or the band, and it doesn't really matter. Backstory is nothing, because in this, there's only them, only now.

I seriously love this.
I hate you for being such a good writer. :grr:

I don't have time to give you a proper comment.
I swear I'll come back and make time A.S.A.P.
But for now just know I think you are amazing.
In every way possible and probable, just... ily.

I'm gonna review properly when I come back tomorrow. :cheese:
Holyshit Fatma...

Phenomenal.
It's that style of yours, once again.

Blue.:arms:

so i found this on the story/review game forum...

i am utterly speechless and will do my best to leave a proper review--the best i can to my abilities.

But yet again... he was imperfect. Just how I like my Gerard Way. Incomplete, needy; flawed even to the most forgiving soul.

Franks fix people while Frankies get fixed.

Kisses fed on guilt, hopeless gestures devoured ill intentions splayed on the graveyard of his face and emotions; the break in his pride more apparent as his thoughts whimper for me to consider him perfect; to see him in the same light he views me in.

the humanity in those lines, the ability to express such a trait--you force me to realize just what i hide within myself, what i'm afraid to let other people see. the acceptance that gerard craves from frank is more than apparent in that last bit...

Those chrome fingertips so smooth, so shiny; they never left marks on my skin; Frank's skin to be exact. They littered Frankie's hips and back like leeches, black and proud.

That's why Frankie didn't like this Gerard.
He hurts.

Frankie's scared of Gerard, Gerard's in love with Frankie while Frank loves Gerard and Gerard dislikes Frank.
Different needs, same objective; look for love. A mismatched joke; they all want to fix, not be fixed.

the ability in which you've expressed everything so far till this point astounds me, the way your words just flow together, causing the reader to remain entrapped to your story...much like frank/frankie and gerard/gerard are entrapped with each other.

Beauty is perfection, right?

yet beauty is in the eye of the beholder, is it not? perfection doesn't exist, frank seems to realize this, gerard does not, frankie is perfection; he possesses the innocence of a child--the innocence of a child is pure beauty.

"I love Frank."
BANG!

russian roulette--torture of ones soul--much like love. the blanks are your saving grace till you hear that fateful and resilient BANG and all is lost. your heart feels so for so many yet when it finds that one, the one that's not its blank but the bullet that takes it, destroys it--much as the lover consumes to the heart.

i'm still utterly speechless at having read this one-shot, i feel that what i've written isn't even remotely worth what this story deserves but words fail me.

Okay, so the dedication to Blue made me smile super big. :]

I'm gonna keep you waiting for your review, but I really needed to come
& leave you something spaztic like... ohhh.... HOLYYYYYY SHITTT.
Because I think this is one of the best things I've ever read.
HOT DAMN.

Yes,

FUUUCK.

Okay, I'm done.
I'll review properly later, promisepromisepromise,
but you better realize how insanely talented you are.
:arms:



P.S. You're welcome for reading it over, & the mention made me :mrgreen:.

Blue.

Oh my god, Fatma, you make it so difficult to review something so perfect. I had to stop reading it a few times, I was crying...the emotions were entirely too perfect, and the detail was just...oh my God.
You have it down so...right.
:arms:
It's so well done.
so well done.