Lady Killer - Comments

I agree with the last comment; more details would be beneficial. This is just little old me speaking, but it seems to me like the characters and their dialogue are a bit too stereotype. A blonde haired, green eyed woman, "where do you think you're going?" seems like something you'd find in a soap opera, not a story as well written as this one. Throw in a little bit of character emotion and some deets, and you'll be golden.

Though I enjoyed your concept, I felt this was a little rushed. Try describing places, people and scenes more; you'll be surprised how much can be built into your story from doing so.

Grammatically, I didn't notice anything besides for some awkward phrasing at times. Though, like I said before, more description would help a lot!

Plot wise, I was quite interested. At first, I thought this story might be about a murderous boyfriend, or something of that nature... I was quite surprised when I realized the "Lady Killer" wasn't a he, but rather, a jealous she. This could be emphasized more if you want, to draw readers in better.

All in all, I think it was a fine read. More visual details would be better, though!
--Joe