Clever Swine - Comments

I know I'm a bit late, but I've been going through my rec lists and trying to find stories to reread, and let me tell you something omg I love your story. The setting, the plot (that we know of), the crazy Polish names I had to ask my family about, everything in this story is something I can relate except for the, uh the whole grandma thing.

I know this is short, but I would patiently wait one hundred years for this story in rain, snow, sleet, and blood for this story. But, for now, I guess I'll suffice with three chapters

First of all as a BONAFIDE POLISH PERSON finding stories with people that have a Polish background is pretty rare so when I saw that I was like well oh that's interesting I totally dig that a lot. I don't know if you're Polish either but I can definitely tell you've got your facts straight which is also awesome, I can tell you're writing this from a place of knowledge which just even makes it more perfect and I am just really digging the whole Polish thing so far and I haven't even started, but I already have high hopes for your writing because I've totally adored your other stories before. (The Two Door Cinema Club one waaaaay back :D)

It's weird but even though it's such a normal everyday thing where people forget words and just use weird jerky hand motions to get their point across but I've never seen it actually used in a story so when I saw that I was just oddly super happy like wow yes this is a thing that happens that is so realistic I thoroughly enjoy the fact that you included that. Which is pretty random but it just made me really happy, haha.

I love the narration too, the whole clever wit he's got going on, and I really liked the "neither side ever won considering the argument was based solely upon which ones Tom Cruise looked cooler in." I like that you've got the pinch of history in there but through the teenage lens of well these things are more important to me.

Everybody hated Snickers.

Ah the Polish names make me so happy, haha. About the głupie dupa thing though, literally I know that it seems like calling someone a dumbass it would make sense but I think it's one of those lost in translation things, because Polish people don't generally say that, unless it's like a child trying to learn how to swear (lol for instance that's what I liked to call people as a kid) but I couldn't see the mom saying that. It sounds a little silly in Polish, haha. I know that there's the Polish equivalent to calling someone a dumbass which would be siermęngo, which it's one of those words that doesn't really have a literal English meaning but it's basically Polish slang for dumbass (and it's what my mom calls me and my dad and anyone else she thinks is a dumbass). Also just while I'm on this tangent, another way of calling someone a dumbass is my mom likes me call me sierotą Afrykańska which literally translates to African orphan and sounds weird but it's like one of those Polish slang things that doesn't translate well to English, but it basically also means dumbass. It's something more a mom would say to her kid though. I don't know if that helped or not sorry for rambling, haha.

I like the use of the brother as way to introduce the history and culture of the time without info-dumping it, it's really clever and it makes it more interesting to read. Those big info-dumpy paragraphs bore me so making it more personal was really effective for me at least to keep me interested. Also the casual relationship between them, with the arm-twisting, I like their sibling relationship portrayal, haha. And the bathroom thing too I just adore those little things that make it more realistic ahh.

I feel the pain of the Polish last name omg.

I don't know if you're Polish or not but I just love how you definitely got a lot of the culture right (name days and Christmas Eve and all that) and I just love how well you're portraying the culture and just a+ high five well done you are doing a superb job and if you're not that wow the research you put in this was double amazing and an extra tip of the hat to you!

Is this story named after The Smiths lyric? <3

This is very alluring and beautifully written
I hope this is updated soon c:

awesomesauce.

This is literally the first story I've read on here in the like four years I've had an account, and I don't regret it at all.
You are truly a phenomenal writer, oh my hell. You just word everything so perfectly and I'm completely jealous.
Ugh I love this already.

this is the most beautifully crafted story I have ever read

So I found this by looking at the review board.&.now im absolutely hooked! I can't imagine the amount of research and patience you had to write this! Its an amazing read, I can feel the emotions of all the characters. Ive never really had an interest in polish based books but now im thinking im missing out! This may actually come to be my favorite read on the site(or really in general!) I can't wait to read more & im going to be on thelook out for other polish based books :) Can't wait for more & I really hope you update soon! :D

The chapter titles had me hooked. Seriously, The Smiths? I love you already.

Detail and plot is what I live for - aside from grammar and spelling, of course. The fact that you have placed this in an older setting had me intrigued. The character development is right up my alley! They aren't so shallow - like, 2D - or completely dramatic. And the chapters are lengthy enough for me to enjoy. Don't ask why, I'm just weird like that.

You've got me hooked, good citizen!

I only read the first chapter, but it was wonderful thus far. You have great detail and I enjoy the fact that you've put this story in an older setting which I haven't read many stories lately here that have. You''ve introduced your characters quite nicely and given them great personalities, and I love that their Polish. I also noticed the chapters are named after The Smiths lyrics which I adore. I will definitely be reading more of this story. Great job!

... This is amazing, it truly is. I won't even attempt to spell out the names, haha, but I have to say, I am definitely interested in where this is going and will frequently check for updates.

I'm loving this. Reminds me of the brief week I went to Poland... Not the best experience but I have Polish roots and I like the language and all of its 'chshchsh' words.

I agree with basically everything Savannah said except please don't ever change the first paragraph. I love how it goes from street name to his bedroom window, and it flows great since you were describing where his house was and then to a room in the house.

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I grew up in the house on the corner of Gallant Fox and Seabiscuit. Every street in the development was named after famous racing horses. From my bedroom window, I could see right into Valerie di Prima's bedroom when she left the lights on, and she did every night at 10:45 pm during summer.

Not quite fond of how it changes from discussing the street and the names being after racing horses to Valerie's bedroom. I think you could transition a little nicer into it, although this works, too. Just seems a little awkward.

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"I need a —" He started motioning with his hand, flattening it out and moving it back and forth. "I need a —" He moved his hand faster.

"A what? Dad, I don't know what this —" I mimicked his hand gesture, "is."

Ahahaha he's such a bitch. I love it. Good for you for not making him a good kid that totally respects his parents and does everything he can to satisfy them but also not making him a rebellious asshole that breaks the law for shits and giggles. In other words, you've created the typical teenager. Good for you.

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It was the summer of 1987 and there was political turmoil all over the world. Reagan was yelling at Gorbachev to tear down the wall, while the threat of nuclear annihilation was still a very real fear. We were watching the Soviet bloc prepare for revolution from the safety of our living rooms, scandals on Capital Hill and the war in the Middle East had the politically invested in an uproar, and my brother had a curious beef with Margaret Thatcher for some odd reason. None of that was directly affecting me though. I was never one to get involved. The only conflict I was concerned with was the ever raging battle with my younger brother over aviator sunglasses versus Ray Bans Wayfarers, in which neither side ever won considering the argument was based solely upon which ones Tom Cruise looked cooler in.

hnnnnnngh 1987. This is gonna be interesting. I can't stand older settings just because I'm not one for the past, but it's nice how you don't focus on the fact that it's 1987 and instead just focus on the guy and girl being a guy and a girl and I don't really know where I'm going with this.

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She spent a lot of time being punted like a football across the room during the first few years of her life.

I'm gonna cry this is fucking hilarious omfg.

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"Wojciech."

I really love this name, okay.

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The whole room reeked of cigarette smoke. I remember it because I used to walk into the scene so often. The sun would beat down on the front of the house later in the day, causing this flood of light through the entrance way to the kitchen. At the right time of day when the sun was moving toward the west to set, the light would angle and fall on the stove, so when she was standing there making dinner, she was just a faded silhouette with smoke rising around her from the cigarette in her hand. I don't remember what she was wearing. She was obviously dressed up that night, but in my mind, in that memory, all I can see is what she usually looked like in jeans and t-shirt with her hair pulled back. My mother was a casual woman. That image of her smoking in the kitchen is the one that stands out in my mind when I think of my her when I was growing up.

These descriptions are what I live for in your writing and they're beginning to peek through into my writing and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. No, it's really beautiful, though, it's like...wow. I don't know. You kind of just use it to flesh out the characters and it's amazing.

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"I've been doin' this for forty-five years. Don't need two arms to button a shirt."

My grandfather fought in World War II on the Western Front. I dare say he was never more proud of anything he did in his life than fight for his country. When the government was exiled in 1939 after Germany invaded, they and a portion of the army fled to France. My grandfather wound up evacuating to Great Britain once France fell, but before then, he was shot in battle. Refusing to stop for a bullet to the left arm, my grandfather wrapped up the bleeding wound and pushed forward. Later on he removed the bullet himself with his military issued knife and cleaned the hole in his arm with alcohol. I don't know whether it was removing the bullet with a filthy knife or the unsanitary conditions in which he lived that caused it, but potentially both led to an infection and gangrene spread through most of his arm by the time he received proper medical attention. They had to amputate. That didn't deter him though. He fought the rest of the war missing a limb and when he returned home, he just was never the same according to Grandma.

I feel so sorry for him but at the same time I kinda don't because he's being a jerk? But then again I do I'm just...conflicted omg. :c

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"Need two to drive a stick," my brother piped up from his resting place on the couch. He was still absorbed by the news.

I love this kid.

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"Rościsław!" she called into the house.

Can there be such a thing as name porn? Because you're the master of it.

This started out as trying to be a con-crit review but you know how I am about your stories. Went through, looked at everything, disregarded stuff that's just cultural preference and picked out the stuff I enjoyed and the stuff I thought you could do a little better. I'll probably be doing chapter 2 tomorrow. I'll respond to your comment then, too. I'm clocking 60+ hours a week of school/church/work so I'm trying to make sure I don't screw up this semester which effectively means less time for the Internet which, as you know, is a fate worse than death.

I was going to put something witty here.

Oops.

I'm in the employee cafe here at my job and everyone's watching the American football game that's between the Philadelphia Eagles and the New York Giants, both of which are less than like 100 miles away, and it's pissing me the hell off because they keep yelling and cheering when their team makes a touchdown. For a second I thought maybe if you were here you'd punch them in the face but then I got to thinking that with your affinity for sports and my terrible luck you'd be right over there with them and probably so passionate about it you'd cause a commotion. Well, maybe not. Maybe that's only football over there. But if you were into it, I could totally see you being the one to kick over chairs and yell at people. I'm probably dead wrong but that's what I see you doing, okay. OKAY GOODNIGHT

So I just skimmed it because I have to go to class shortly but I'm gonna come back afterwards and read the entire thing properly. Saw the email first and read a little bit but decided it probably would be better to read this part. Let me just say I frigging love the names, the date, and the setting. I need to learn how to do that. Vary settings, I mean. Nationalities. I'm working on a story set in Russia but I want it to still be Communist, it just frustrates me when I have to remember exactly what they had and didn't have and how different everything was. But being a writer is frustrating in general and involves a lot of research so I suppose I should shut up and get over it. Anyway. Looking pretty good so far. I'm enjoying it. I'll comment later on with a way more detailed critique. I'm looking forward to it. (And I *will* be commenting this one shortly. I'm trying to get myself motivated for everything I've been asked to do whether it's school/work etc. and that includes this. Bluhhh. My mind is just lazy I guess.) I'll send you chapter 2's critique over email once I read that.