To Recover - Comments

okay i just realised that I said interesting three times in that paragraph... sorry. Oh and I forgot to add, comment swap sent me :)

okay i just realised that I said interesting three times in that paragraph... sorry. Oh and I forgot to add, comment swap sent me :)

WOW interesting start! You immediately capture the reader's attention with an interesting start, and you develop it more throughout the paragraph. Keep continuing this, I can see it becoming interesting...

Hi comment swap sent me, I'm guessing this was about someone dealing with either depression, suicide, or anorexica. The chapter really wasn't clear and I suggest you make them longer and go into depth so readers can get the idea of what your talking about. You seem like your talented at writing but I'm not really sure where your going with the story because there is only one chapter and it is ver brief.

Dear stainedglasseyes,

It was easy to find you, the King told us of your unique eyes. We searched and here we are. We are the Knights of Comment Swap.

As you can see we have arrived with a sense of ceremony, as though we do this often.

Unceremoniously is such a strange word. To bring this world to light in the imagination use other words that revolve around ceremony and then describe unceremoniously. So that would be saying what happens, not what doesn't happen.

Also this is really sad, depressing, horrible and killing. We hope there is an actual recovery in this story. This first part is sad. It's like death.

There are some cliches that could move out though. Even descriptions can be cliche, like the tatty fairground memory. If it's her memory, or a memory from a tv show that's how it should be brought in. The way it's brought in is as if everyone has this memory, which they don't, and it is as if everyone is the same, which they aren't You are giving a unique perspective.

Cliches are those familiar plots, characters, scenes, phrases and stories. They are over used which makes them cliche. The familiarity of them, however, draws us to them. Avoid them! You are an Author Warrior! Fight these cliches off for your legendary tale, fight them off to show your true mind, let not the evils of cliches guide your story. Take your story by the hand and take it to the mountains and heights of wherever you please.

Also space your story a bit more. And you can play with sentence length even more: "This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important."

All the best writing. The King shivered when he read this. Please bring hope into your story, it's so sad and desolate right now.

Truly,

The Knights of Comment Swap