I really liked this. You capture emotions very well. I also adore the layout. :) Excellent job with this.
October 28th, 2012 at 08:01am
Oh wow, I actually teared up.
I wasn't expecting that when I started reading. I didn't know what I was getting into when I clicked on it, I just liked the title, honestly. xD Anyway, the content was very deep, sensitive, and tragic. I liked the layout (not the font too much) but I don't know, the story hit me hard. I can relate. I know how she felt. And I also liked how you never told what actually happened to the boy or how Elaina "killed" him. This was very original, and whenever I tried to guess the plot and how it went, there was always an original twist that kept me guessing. Beautifully done.
As for constructive criticism; besides the shift from third person to first and past tense to present, there were few grammatical errors. The one that kept reappearing was the capitalization of tags after dialogue, for example: "You killed someone?" He asks, his eyebrows shooting up. "He" in that sentence should be lower cased. This was actually one of my mistakes I constantly do.. xD
As for the tense and narration, they should probably stay the same throughout the story, or unless you want to switch to present tense to show a time change. Sometimes, though, the tense can get a little mixed up in places, so be aware of that.
Overall, I loved this. It struck me in the heart and I'm glad I read it. :) (kudos to you for making an interesting title. xD) I hope you continue to join more contests in the future. :)
