Heroes - Comments

ring pop~!

Okay! To start off, I really do like the layout. It fits perfectly to the story, and adds a bit of mystery to it. It's different, but I do like it. c:
Like kat dennings. said below me, I think the first chapter was introduced in a really vague way from Kathleen's perspective. It was short, to-the-point, and just...vague. But I thought it was a good addition to the story, despite the fact that there's not really a clear picture of all the background info.
The two other chapters were longer, and I think you pulled the different-point-of-view chapters very well. It alternated in a clean pattern, which I enjoyed. You added more detail throughout the chapters, and I got a few more inmklings of what exactly was going on. You are a fabulous writer, and the entire story leaves an aura of mystery and subtle-ness (for lack of a better word) to it all. From the tidbits of info I learned about the setting and the characters, you really made this a unique story with an extraordinary plotline. Great job! I can't wait to read more of this. :)

Layout

I like the layout. It's quite pretty, yet minimal and simple. Pretty awesome.

Summary

"You can't kill heroes," that line right there just captures you and has you question who are these heroes ad why is someone thinking they can kill them? Then at the end of the summary where you go
"You can't kill something this great," I say, watching the looks of fear turn into complete terror. is a whole WOAH! What is this? I shall read on. So kudos to you for having a small-mid size dialog for a summary yet you made it meaningful enough to push someone into reading it.

Act I: Kathleen

Most people go with setting, place, etc for the first chapter. Yet, you left it quite vague which I'm a tad bit unsure if that's a good thing or not. Yet, it does leave me with enough curiousity to want to see if the vague feeling continues on or more detail comes in as more chapters come in.

Act II: Andy

Okay, so this one is longer. Going in the first few paragraphs, I still have little to no clue on exactly who are they against. Yet, you did make a character development when subtly giving a back story on Kathleen's father.

So they're rebels. Okay. That I get, but I still have many questions which is good, I guess. Since I want answers so I'll move on.

Act III: Jane

Out of all the characters so far, Jane seems to be the most blunt and forceful.

She catches a bullet through her teeth? :o That's pretty bad ass and it kinda shows she has no fear.

And then the summary comes into play. It's quite clever, actually. I thought they were going to be the ones to attack heroes, but they are the heroes. Awesome.

All in all, I think this is a pretty good story. I like your styling and it's just amazing. c: Keep it up!

Aside from the tiny font, this story was awesome. Was it just me or was there a lot of sarcasm in this story? Especially where Jane is concerned. Haha, the plot was wild. But in a good way. This kind of reminded me of Chronicles for some reason. Lol.

I love this. In my mind I'm reading this and imaging it like it's a play. Very unique way to set up the story.

Style:

I really enjoyed that you wrote from each character's point of view. Usually, it's hard to pull off, and most people do it very poorly, but I think you did a great job. Each different character has a clear tone, and even if it didn't tell me in the chapter title who each character was, I think I could still figure it out, which is just amazing. You managed to do an excellent mix of the character's thoughts and actions. Sometimes stories written in the first person get bogged down with character thoughts, but you switched it up a bit, and it was really refreshing. I think the think I liked most about your point of view switch was that it wasn't the same moment in time told from the perspectives of different people, and instead it was a fluid story.

I really enjoyed the bit of mystery in this story. In Kathleen's chapter, you started with talking about daggers and shot guns, and that got me interested in where this story was going to go. I thought it was going to be a simple love triangle story, but you threw a wrench in that, and it was just great. You reveal things at just the right times, which is just perfect.

Setting

Characters:

Kathleen

I like Kathleen the most. She seems the sweetest to me, if you could even say that, and if I had to try to reason with one of them, it would definitely be her.

Andy

Andy was definitely my favorite. He's tough and strong, and he understands people, like the way he reads Jane's emotions. He seems like he would be really charismatic, making him even more dangerous, in my opinion.

Jane

Well, Jane is kind of a bitch, but I like that about her. Her character is hard and tough, but has a certain air about her that draws me to her. Almost like the school bad girl that you just want to like you. She is very manipulative and you can tell she is the true leader of the pack. I think she brings a nice dynamic to the story, and definitely gives the other characters motivation.

Plot

Let me just say, I love the ending. It really was just perfect. You left it on the perfect note, so that the reader can tell that the character's story is still being continued, but that you're not going to continue it, if that makes sense? Almost like they're living on outside of this story. The whole plot was thrilling and suspenseful. I will admit I definitely felt bad for the watchmen, because he was only doing his job. I always have a hard time siding with the rebels with a cause when they hurt people. Overall, this story was just really well done.

So I have to say that like all of your other stories I’ve reviewed, this instantly intrigues me with the layout, the image chosen – it’s unusual in the way I’ve never seen something like it, but it captivates me regardless, and the summary. It surprised me but made me want to continue on and read.

ACT 1: Kathleen
The chapter is short, sweet but definitely not simple. I like that this has very minimal dialogue but has still managed to hold my interest – how do you do that! – using interesting characters. I like how Kathleen has already defined herself as the ‘quiet, stone-faced’ one of the group, yet the way you finish the paragraph with ‘being underestimated comes in handy’ makes me question how much of a force she can be.

Act 2: Andy
The opening sentence of being called a stupid motherfucker made me smile. It brought some lighthearted-ness to the piece, which I liked. What I also enjoyed was the authenticity of the male point of view, it didn’t sound girly or feminine like, which can sometimes be a struggle for authors. When Andy mentioned that the worst thing to do around Kathleen is to let your guard down, Kathleen automatically became more interesting, as I pegged Jane to be the most interesting character out of the three, with her clear power over Andy and Jane. The ending seemed a bit cliché, as the group were about to be caught but nonetheless still held my interest.

Act 3: Jane:
There’s something about Jane that draws me to her, despite the fact she’s the obvious leader. She’s calculated, definitely smart and probably manipulative, which makes her possibly a psychopath but I’m drawn to characters who are that well fleshed and thought out. ”You can’t kill something this great.” I know this was in the summary, but put into context it sounds so much better, and added with the fact Jane caught the bullet in her teeth is something I’ve never read before. They have made me who I am, and now they must suffer all the consequences for it. A brilliant line, it’s probably my favourite out of this whole piece.

The ending made me want to know more, I’ve recc’d because this is just simply amazing. I’ve never read anything like it before and I think that if this was turned into a story, then this could turn out to be something great. Regardless, I really, really enjoyed this. Well done.