Leader's Quarrels - Comments

This story is one of the good surprises I found on comment swap. Usually, I find it hard to comment because I'm not really into it or because it's too cliché, but things are different with this.
I really like the idea behind it. It's very interesting and different, with just a twist of hunger games in it. I got really interested throughout the chapter, your characters seem like they could become really interesting, and I really regret that there wasn't more to read.
I have no problem at all with your writing. Yes, I've noticed a few typos here and there. And yes, the story could flow a little more. But there was nothing that made reading impossible or annoying. For a first chapter, it was very promising, and I think that with a few more chapters, the imperfections would have been corrected and it could have great potential.

Comment Swap: I agree with Katlight; this piece needs drastic editting, but in overall it really isnt well written; its too bad that youre ability to write cant reflect your great spark of creativity. From a conceptual standpoint the story really does have potential. That being said, everyone starts from somewhere and writing takes much practice and dedication, no one picks up a pencil and produces Shakespeare. My advice is to keep writing, read lots of book and most of all never give up, even when assholes like me tear you down.

Hey, I’m here from comment swap, and I like the story. It’s unique and interesting. Your layout’s nice too. However, it definitely could use some polishing. There’s a lot of typos throughout the chapter. You have a lot of information in the chapter and do a pretty good job of making it not overwhelming for the reading. I’d suggest trying to get a larger variety of sentence structure. A lot of your sentences are just Subject-verb, and you use be verbs a lot. Actions verbs make things more interesting. It can make your writing a little stilted especially your dialogue.

Comment Swap~
It's very original. I like it so far. The writings good, the details are good, the grammar's good. My only critiscm is there's only one chapterrrrr ! ;c I want more.
Keep on writing ! c: