Waiting For Your Call - Comments

Comment Swap:
I enjoyed the way you wrote this piece. I don't know the requirements for the contest you wrote this for are but I would have really like to know more about this character. I would also like to know more about what happened. This piece is very poetic and seems like a letter someone would write to an ex-lover but would never send. Great job.

Why Do I Love You? Contest

I’d like to start on the layout you’ve made. The layout is very appropriate for the story that you’ve written and it’s straight to the point. The picture that you’ve used gave a perfect image for the readers to think about while reading your story. However, I thought that you used the image to tell the story instead of you telling the story itself (this will later be explained). There are no other designs that you’ve put in this layout and I’m perfectly fine with that. Less is more, in my opinion. I give a thumbs-up for this layout.

There are a few grammatical errors that I’ve seen. Most of them involve the use of punctuation marks. There are words that need a hyphen and sentences that need a semi-colon. Instead of pain filled, you use pain-filled.

The challenge in the contest was to write a story about couples who experience day-to-day problems and difficulties. You definitely showed that in this story but I felt that it could have been explained better. As what I have previously said, image could have given away the story itself and there would be no need for the readers to read what you’ve worked for. What I loved about this story was how it was delivered –as if it was written in a diary. You’ve put a lot of emotion into this and I think that’s what made it good.

The story layout is beautiful, I however, would of liked a short story summary, to get a sense of what I'm reading at least, but that's just me.

I thought you described the common struggles of long distance relationships perfectly. The doubt and emotions of simply questioning 'why do I love you' it's heartbreaking and you captured that wonderfully.

I like that this was only 500 and something words, I felt if this dragged on any more it would have lost its message. The pain this girls feels is real and the descriptiveness of that worked well together, too.

My favorite parts of this story were the boyfriends words, I'm assuming that he possibly said to her before he left and then following that, she's breaking them down and realizing what his words truly meant. Maybe she felt played and used, which is an understanding emotion to feel in situations like these and I really liked this. Good job, friend.

@ NathanWatt
I will be sure to give your story a read :)
Thanks for the awesome comment by the way, it means a lot to know that people enjoy my writing. I like to draw from my personal experiences. I alter them and add to them. Some of this comes straight from my thoughts and feelings, while other pieces are completely fictional.
Unfortunately, the creator of the competition has become very busy and had to cancel it as she didn't have time to judge.

Hiya. I'm from comment swap, so if you don't mind reading and leaving feedback on War on the Wind, that would be great thanks.

To make it a little more fair, I would appreciate it if you read up to the end of Chapter 1 at the least. Any further is your choice :)

This was almost poetic in my opinion. I don't know if you've been through this before, or are going through it now, but it's so real. It doesn't seem made up, the words, descriptions, the emotions, they all connect and flow, and really paint not just an image, but feelings.

I especially like 'It's said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I wanted so badly for that to be the truth...' You've used a common saying that contrasts highly to what's actually happened to this character.

When you speak about 'normal' 21 year olds, as doing basically the things the character could have been doing, it also helps the reader to relate. 'She's missing out because of what's happening between them.' It's almost as if she's content with not living that life, only if things weren't now so strained between her and her boyfriend.

The last part wrapped it up quite well in my opinion. '3'oclock rolls around and the last little flicker of hope in my chest burns out.' She's reached the waiting deadline for tonight now.

'Why do I love you?' Only 5 words. Yet they paint such a deep picture. There's just so much in those 5 words. Powerful ending I think.

I enjoyed the whole short story. Very well written. Did you win the competition by the way?

This was wonderful. Long distance relationships really are the worst. They're so serene but at the same time, they hurt so much, and eventually, they always seem to end the same way.
You captured the emotion perfectly and even if someone doesn't know what it's like, then they do now. You did a great job.

I was once in a long distance relationship, and just as your beautiful short tells us, the agony, pain and sadly the self pitty one goes thru, when unbenounced to you, the other indevigual had started the next chapter in there lives, without bothering to even have the deicency to, phone you up and say sorry its over...m now to get to my point...I enjoyed your story, I hope that some day you find what you seek in life

Wow. I'm in a long distance relationship and this broke my heart in a sense and I could relate a hell of a lot. It was nicely written and a well thought out rant/letter. Great job! Oh and by the way, the comment swap sent me. No bad criticism.

Damn girl. This is why I love your writing. You're just so damn good at it I literally eat up your work and want more when it ends. As always I loved this. And I really connected with it... Not a clue why... Baha. You really do have a talent at putting emotion in your work and making it easy for the reader to connect with though :3