That Summer - Comments

First off, I love the brightness of your layout and the darker quality of lost friendship / love at such a young age then jumping into finding that friendship again. It’s a really great idea, and you write it well.

In the very first chapter, you talk about a girl living in a neighborhood for all her life and making friends with the boy next door then they go their separate ways. It's kind of confusing when in the second chapter Silken boards an airplane to go somewhere she hadn't been in five years and in the third chapter she meets a boy seemingly for the first time. It might just be me, but that seems a little disjointed. (I was writing my comment as I was reading, so I am leaving this here so I can tell you how brilliantly you brought this concept together in the fourth chapter. That was an amazing connecting turnaround that solves the confusion. )

Also, in the third chapter this piece of dialogue “We had better get going, we’re exploring,” Sylvia said, smiling widely as the two people beside her. is weird because I kind of got confused over who you were talking about. Was Silvia talking about Silken and Evelyn or Evelyn and another person?

All that nit-picky stuff really just means that I liked your story. Your descriptions are vivid, and it held my attention from the first chapter to the last. I like that I can almost feel what your characters are feeling. Silken’s loneliness in the beginning, Robbie’s childhood excitement. I can’t wait to see what you have planned for Sylvia’s eccentric-ness and Victoria’s excited craziness. I feel like you have some drama about to build between some of the characters too.

Keep up the good writing!

Oops. Double post.

I'm so sorry that it took me forever to comment on this. Especially since you commented on my story so quickly.

First of all, the layout is totally adorable. And I absolutely adore your first chapter! The fact that you were able to put so much into so few words when talking about their summer. So cute. I adore your descriptions of your characters right from the beginning.

You are amazing at descriptions. With characters, settings, and just every little detail. I honestly feel like I am in your story. I love how you capture the little personality traits of each of them. Especially the grandma. She seems like such a sweet, cute woman. Oh my gosh. And the wink. Love it. What a quirky little woman, love her.

Honestly, this story is flawless. I love your writing.

I love everything about this story. The characters, the dialogue, the setting. I bet that the rest will be just as amazing. I am totally subscribing!

I'm kind of a sucker for cliche to be honest... This story is off to a great start, your detail is amazing and I also like the names that you've chosen to use as well.

Layout / Summary
Layout: Simple but yet beautiful.
Summary: There isn't one but that doesn't stop me from reading. The character pics and music are enough. Oddly, the status promising 'It will be cliche' is what really made me want to give it a read.

Chapter One
Impression: Right away, I am hooked. I love how the first first chapter starts out with a narration voice. "Narration Style" is my fav way of writing and it really drew me in. I also like how even though neither of them remember how they happened, you offered up a scenarios that could have been the reason to their beginning. It just adds a little something extra.

Grammar: I didn't notice anything as I read.

Chapter Two
Impression: Silken, what an odd but interesting name. I must admit that reading that as a name will take some time to get use to. The airport scene seemed real to the T. Silken's mother acted just like I would expect any mother to act when their baby is leaving them.

Grammar: I agree with Steve Rogers. in her almost-an-accent needs voice at the end so it reads: her grandmother said, in her almost-an-accent voice

Chapter Three
Impression: I must admit, I found the first half of the chapter funny since I was expecting the whole cliche grandmother plot Silken pictured but read the opposite. So far I see nothing really cliche about this story. If it was cliche like you promised in the story, at the end of the chapter it would have been love at first sight between Robbie and Silken. THANK GOD IT WASN'T.

Grammar: Nothing caught my eye.

Chapter Four
Impression: I like that Robbie took her to a bookstore out of all the other places.

Grammar: Nada.

Overall: Your writing is the BOMB. Somehow you manage to pull off these really long sentences without it seeming like a run on and the flow is so natural. Also the descriptions are so effortless and beautiful. I don't know if I don't see it or the cliches are going over my head but I really don't see anything cliche about this story.

One full review, coming up~ To start, the image link for "her" appears to be broken - it's slow and no photo shows. (it would also be cool to have a full-faced photo of your male OC but eh, I'm a layout snob) I do like the song you have linked, though. Great choice! Your layout is simple and light, too which is really lovely.

Going into chapter one the first thing I notice is that the symmetry in the layout is off and that the text is super small and cuts close to the edges. This is something I can recommend fixing to bring in more readers. After switching to the default layout I had to laugh.

This is so cliche, true to your status! It feels like something that would come over narration in a middle-school/young adult to film creation. Like Ella Enchanted. Your sentence structure is really long, so using a semi-colon would probably suit better, but that was the perfect picture anyone could give, I think.

I love how you write about being at the airport in the second chapter. It's just like that, questioning parents and all. It did feel odd to keep reading "Silken" as a name, though. My favorite line is definitely: "a shawl that didn’t quite match but didn’t quite clash." It just sounds so cool. in her almost-an-accent should probably be in her almost-an-accent voice. The whole time I was reading this all I could think about was my recent trip to Shawnee, OK to see my grandmother; you're acing the cliche-ness.

The whole bit about the doors sticking and being temperamental was hilarious! Where you have smiling widely as the two people, as should be at. What I noticed for this chapter is that you start a lot of dialogue as a new paragraph; it's always dialogue, description. Playing around with sentence structure could make this a lot stronger.

I have the same comment for sentence structure in chapter four. Of course, this chapter is the most cliche of cliches, and I'm super interested and it ENDS! I can't wait for an update because I need to know what the next cliche is and what crashed. I don't know how I'll get sleep without knowing, seriously. Keep up the good work~

eeeeeep! I am beyond excited that this is going to be a thing again, and that you're back to where you left off! We all need a little cliche in our lives :)

Just a heads up, I am doing comment swap, and I would really like if you took a look at my story As Boundless as The Sea.
Anyways, your story is very intriguing indeed. It is very fluffy, and cliché. None the less, you did exactly what you prepared your readers for, and that's very good to see in a writer.
The only flaw though that I could so possibly see, was you minor lack in detail. Then again, a lack in detail is made up for in a story that is fluffy... Great work, and keep it up. It's good to see an author's hard work.

Alright, so I have to admit when I read the summary, I almost didn't read. I'm not a big fan of any fluff or overly romantic stories so I was a little hesitant. But I continued reading and I'm glad I did. While it is fluffy and romantic, I like it. Once again, your descriptions are wonderful. The reader can see it all in their mind like a movie, which I admire. Your characters are well-developed and unique. I like the relationship they have.

I also have to say that I like that the chapters are long, but not too long where it gets overwhelming to the reader. Nothing about this story is boring and I really liked it. Well done. :)

I'm so in love with cliché, fluffy stories as well

Aww, this is so cute so far. i'm loving it. <333 It reminds me of my best friend i used to have back middle school. <333 I meant to say best guy friend. :)

You were right, this is really fluffy and cliche. I can't say I mind, it works for this story. I'm not going to lie, I wanted to punch a brick wall to regain my manliness, but I liked reading it. The first chapter was pretty short, but im sure it'll get longer further in the story. Really nice job.

can I just say that cliche stories make my heart melt, but it takes the right ratio of cliche to realistic to do that. and this had it okay.

I love Sylvia, she seems like the cool, dream-catcher grandma that everyone wishes they had. And Robbie is just perfect and their reunion was too. Silken is such a cool name. But anyways, this was so cute and I loved it, awesome awesome awesome.

I really love this. I love adorable clichéd love stories as much as every other typical teenage girl, so I'm really looking forward to this! The layout is gorgeous as well, so that's always a positive. I adore how you seem to say one thing about him, and then a contrasting thing about her. I don't even know why, but it's just really cute. And with the way you've written the last line of your first chapter, I'm dying to read on.

Silken is such a unique name, and I really love it. I adore Sylvia, she seems like the perfect sort of spiritual grandmother type on first read. The reunion between Robbie and Silken is just perfect, and it made me all fuzzy inside ^^

Your language is really good, your description is beautiful, you have a quirky writing style, and I absolutely love the storyline, regardless of the cliché. You've got a really fab storyline here, and not only will I be commenting, but I will be recommending and subscribing too!

I'm only on the second chapter, but I really like this story so far!! It is really fun and just

These kinds of stories are so cute and a guilty pleasure to me. I just love when like the two main characters are friends then they kinda break apart. It just makes the whole reunite thing and bumps and everything so much cuter, and your subtle detailing just adds onto the awesomeness of it all. I love it.

WW. A cliche love story1! I can't wait to read it!!

it is good but I got a tad confused at the end :P

about writing in first person... alright here is my thing about that just so you keep this in mind when choosing whether to do it or not. First person is restricted in that if you want to talk about another characters emotions you must change point of view, which is not as professional unless it is changed every chapter (but beware no one wants to reread the same thing from a different point of view unless there is something crazy needed from each point of view) more than that you can get a nice back and forth of emotions of each character when you write in third person. No restriction on who you can talk for unless you have a character who can read crazy well into people, but that is unrealistic and can unfold the plot... just stuff to keep in mind :)

the chapter was not your best, but it isn't bad by any standard either! just keep going :) a few more chapters and I should be able to write a review for it next month... hopefully :) (my stories are prepicked for each month so that is why not this month)

typo " They said their final goodbyes, hr mother shedding more than a few tears, and she was on her way." her not hr (I copied the text so it is easier to find the typo)

I hate first chapters because then tend to be dull and full of set up, but they are needed. I like how you said it was a small SMALL town without saying it which often happens in stories like that and maybe you didn't know where to stop, but you picked a good point to stop... can't wait for another chapter and I'm excited when the story will really start beginning to truly dive into the plot more.