Annnd I’m back again as the new judge for the ‘10 Ways To…’ contest.
I really like that this is focused on fencing! You don’t see many stories with that as the sport rather than, say like, football or something. I also appreciate how the narrator explains fencing to the reader naturally, like the salute explanation. I’d seen it before but I wasn’t aware that it was a sign of respect. It was really cool to know! I liked the brief glimpse we got of Phoebe’s relationship with her coach. It seems really supportive and caring.
I won’t lie, I was definitely put off from how… forward Phoebe was towards Kai. It went from being mildly amusing to actually kind of alarming. I think it was meant to be flirtatious and because Phoebe doesn’t know how to socialize very well (given the title and the last line of chapter five), it didn’t come off the way she wanted it to but instead came off as kind of creepy, honestly. I definitely didn’t blame Kai for being nervous and lowkey scared. I kinda was, haha.
But I think this story has potential if you were to ever continue writing, what with the whole AFF thing and Phoebe being surrounded by other teenagers. I do wonder how her relationship would develop with Kai—especially considering his first impression.
I really like that this is focused on fencing! You don’t see many stories with that as the sport rather than, say like, football or something. I also appreciate how the narrator explains fencing to the reader naturally, like the salute explanation. I’d seen it before but I wasn’t aware that it was a sign of respect. It was really cool to know! I liked the brief glimpse we got of Phoebe’s relationship with her coach. It seems really supportive and caring.
I won’t lie, I was definitely put off from how… forward Phoebe was towards Kai. It went from being mildly amusing to actually kind of alarming. I think it was meant to be flirtatious and because Phoebe doesn’t know how to socialize very well (given the title and the last line of chapter five), it didn’t come off the way she wanted it to but instead came off as kind of creepy, honestly. I definitely didn’t blame Kai for being nervous and lowkey scared. I kinda was, haha.
But I think this story has potential if you were to ever continue writing, what with the whole AFF thing and Phoebe being surrounded by other teenagers. I do wonder how her relationship would develop with Kai—especially considering his first impression.