Dive In - Comments

This is great! Ella is totally relatable. The comparison between her and Derek reminds me of me and my sister. I really like the aunt, Maria, and the storyline is going well! However, the one thing I'd say is that occasionally, the sentance structure and grammar is dodgy, but I'm sure as you come to edit this, there'll be no problems :)
Hayley x

I love how you describe things and I can totally agree with the inability to read while the car is moving. So the reader gets to know Ella and Derek very quickly and efficiently in the first two chunky paragraphs and that is awesome.
The paragraphs...Oh please oh please separate them! It'll be a lot easier to read and enjoy this story if there was more spacing. Some people don't like reading walls of words.
I can totally agree with Ella on the topic of boys, in fact..I'm kind of like her. O.O
Anyway, the character's are very likeable especially Maria, and I hope nothing happens to her or Topher. :<

Your very first sentence really grabbed my attention. I could picture it perfectly in my head. That's really admirable too because I haven't read much lately that I can actually get a good, clear image of. No one knows how to describe shit anymore.

I only read your first chapter but I think I have a pretty good feel as to what type of story you're planning this to be, and what type of girl Ella is . I love that name, by the way. Very elegant and pretty.

One thing I would suggest is that you make more paragraphs. Yours are just so extremely huge. Split your descriptions up a little, it's way easier on the readers eyes and it kind of makes them dread reading all of it a little less. I'm only saying dread because you have an overwhelming amount of writing for a first chapter! That's not bad, just not what I'm used to reading.

I like Derek. He's not your typical asshole brother that you always seem to read about in stories on here. Like, not all siblings are mean, you know? I liked that you added the fact that he rarely had complaints about Ella.

I get a very calm, summery feel from your first chapter especially. I loooove summer stories, even if they do have to do with someone's mom disappearing. I think this will be pretty interesting for you to write, and for others to read, so keep it up! Especially your great description!

Interesting summary, the only things I'd point out are it should be aunt's with an apostrophe and than with an a. Also, and this is more of a personal thing, your layout doesn't really appeal that much, mostly because it's sort of boring and bland, but again not that important. :3

Your writing, however, was a very nice surprise, haha. I legitemately felt like I was reading a published book, it definitely has that quality too it. And I know all too well about trying to read on bumpy roads, haha.

The blonde should have an e because she's a girl. c:

You've got really elegant descriptions too, I like how it's not just she has blonde hair and grey eyes but you really give it a poetic sort of tone that makes it a lot more enjoyable and real to read. :3

I love the homely sort of feel to it, and the family dynamic that's perfectly displayed, and especially with your attention to detail everything seems so real and vivid in my mind, like I can definitely imagine the crazy aunt and the woodsy cabin feel and backyard garden with its whimsical attraction. I really like Ella too, she definitely has a character that I can relate to at least a little bit and has a lot of likable traits that makes me want to read on more, especially the contrast between her and her brother is also done really well.

I like the realness of their relationship too, they have that sort of typical sibling relationship that runs a little deeper than first perceived, and it's so rare that it's shown right, but you've definitely done a good job of it. c:

The mystery too definitely drew me in, that wouldn't they have to come up for air part definitely. It totally caught my eye! And the whole picture and tools and everything, I love the suspenseful feel and I think it really does an amazing job setting up the questions in my mind and the setting of the story, overall you've really just done a fantastic job with this.