Title and Layout I really like the title, I think it fit together very well with your quote.
Summary The summary seemed long and a bit unnecessary. I know it seems to make more sense if the readers have the same idea as the author when it comes to who is speaking and how and what not, but I like to have that opportunity to interpret the story myself, you know?
Story Itself I think you interpreted the quote ery well! I wasn't sure what you were going to do with it, but I really liked this. One thing that I noticed though is that you repeat words a lot in the same sentence, which makes the flow of your story pretty choppy. It didn't happen too often, but it was often enough for me to notice.
Also: I Nathan Gabriel am one There should be a comma after "I".
Overall, this was really lovely. Thanks for entering it!
October 1st, 2012 at 02:00am
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Comments
I really like the title, I think it fit together very well with your quote.
Summary
The summary seemed long and a bit unnecessary. I know it seems to make more sense if the readers have the same idea as the author when it comes to who is speaking and how and what not, but I like to have that opportunity to interpret the story myself, you know?
Story Itself
I think you interpreted the quote ery well! I wasn't sure what you were going to do with it, but I really liked this.
One thing that I noticed though is that you repeat words a lot in the same sentence, which makes the flow of your story pretty choppy. It didn't happen too often, but it was often enough for me to notice.
Also:
I Nathan Gabriel am one
There should be a comma after "I".
Overall, this was really lovely. Thanks for entering it!