April 2nd, 2017 at 04:47am
Layout / Summary
I absolutely adore the layout for this. It's so simplistic, but looks really arty at the same time. I also love the tie-in with the title within the picture itself, that's really lovely. Likewise, it's a really nice link in the actual summary itself and really makes me curious about what's going to happen within the story itself.
Content
I kind of like that the beginning few lines paint Logan as the exact opposite of a sunflower. It's a silly little thing, but the fact that he's attempting to get away from the sun - a feeling I know all too well in the morning myself! - just made me chuckle a little bit.
I usually loathe waking-up scenes in stories, but this one was just so sweet that I couldn't help but love it! Eben is such a cute little character (and such a unique name too - I don't think I've heard anyone but you use it in stories) that it almost hurts to read about him. I can almost imagine him wolfing down those pancakes. And the relationship as you see it unfold throughout the duration of this piece is just so sweet - especially that last line of dialogue. It's difficult to make me think anything romantic is cute, but you succeeded with that last line because I almost 'aaw'ed out loud.
I think that the thing I like most about your character is that none of them are perfect. You mention that Kandi isn't a brilliant singer, not that she's incredible like most writers would. You paint all of your characters to be these wonderfully realistic and three-dimensional beings and that makes your writing really easy to read and follow. You can imagine Logan having to juggle family with work and everything else. It really does bring the characters to life throughout.
Concrit
I don't actually think I saw anything.
Overall
This is sweet, cute and has this wonderful sumer vibe flowing throughout it. I really liked this, awesome job!
First off, I love the layout. It's so simple and light and it matches the story incredibly well. It really sets a lovely tone for the whole story.
I love how the story is just "a day in the life" of this family and these two people who are so in love. I usually find waking up scenes sorta of...boring, I guess, but I really enjoyed reading yours. It was really cute how you incorporated Eben in and really used the scenes to set the relationship between all of the characters really well.
Your characters were very realistic -- I really enjoy that they have flaws, but you don't draw attention to the flaws. It's just a part of who they are, like normal people, and you intertwine them really nicely into the story. Your descriptions in general are also just really lovely. You maintained that level of description throughout the whole thing and picked really great parts to emphasize that description to keep it interesting and not feel like it was dragging on.
Overall, I loved this piece. It was really simple but you captured the perfect parts to add a bunch of lovely description. Great job!