Minds of the Tormented - Comments

  • Sheepy

    Sheepy (115)

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    I'm not several weeks late, honest :shifty

    They were smiling, a gentle, genuine smile, one that light up their whole face, radiating the innocent beauty that only children and few young women possessed. She was sat at an angle, dressed in what appeared to be a violet summer dress - though it was hard to tell as the picture cut off from the waist down - body turned slightly to one side, face turned towards the camera, large emerald-jade eyes sparkling with the kind of carefree happiness most people spend their entire lives trying to restore; the typical portrait pose.

    Stop being so good,dammit:coffee:
    What is always so aweosme to see in stories on the mib, (if I can say this while still making any kind of cohesive sense) are when you've got entire sections that can be taken, when taken out of the context, a completely different way. Just the potential ambiguity of it. I loves it. But yeah, this is the kinda thing I'm talking about. This section, on it's own, completely disregarding the fact it's in a story about a guy who thinks he's karma and likes killing people, could seem almost conventional, almost normal and nice and sweet, even. However, there seem to be a few tiny hints of something other than dandiness and happy flowers. Like at an angle. Outside of maths, the only time I really ever see that phrase is describing broken body parts or corpses. Or, at least, the phrase at an angle creates the allusion for me of something along those lines. Also, the fact you take time to say the picture's cut off makes it seem sinister. I may just be descending into way too much tangeancy, but when you do actually put this into context, as well as having the context itself be something sinister, this part does have the liiightest touch of foreboding in it. colonyah.

    It was lies, all of it. An old picture and a fairytale persona used to gain the publics sympathy, to trick them into believing that the woman, and the others before her, had died for no reason, that she was nothing more than an innocent victim targeted by a cold-blooded murderer who killed her for the sheer enjoyment of it.

    DId I ever mention that Frank is awesome? Like, amazingly awesome? Just his sheer character is enough to drag you even further into the depths of the story. To one extent, I love the sheer flippancy of him. Death and murder conventionally is something, when not exacerbated and condemned by the media and government, is discussed in lowered reverent voices while reading the daily paper, and then mostly skimmed over to move on to better brighter happier things. At which point I add:

    Most of them had the morning newspaper laid out on their round tables, as I did, their expressions displaying anything from worry to disgust as low murmurs of ‘How awful,’ and ‘Such a waste,’ reaching my ears as nearly everyone read over the story splashed across the front pages of every paper in town, oblivious to the fact that the girl portrayed had been gone for years.

    :yah
    He seemingly goes further than the realms of not caring. He questions why it is exactly that people care if someone they've never met has died. As well as being an awesome story, it's a damn sorry telling of society today. I mean, hundreds of people die, daily. The only ones the media seem to care about are the photogenic and squeaky-clean ones. The ones they can make a story out of. The ones they can fabricate sympathy and care from. Like Frank says, no media team would touch a 'drug dealer gets killed' story, because people today would probably not give a shit. Not only does Frank get into the minds of his "victims"; he gets into society's head. People only care because it's been made to seem like an innocent death. The media's fabricated it into something it's not. Lies, all lies. I mean, a muder is a murder, but interestingly enough the general population only care if the person who's been murdered is media-worthy.

    But then, the truth just wasn’t an interesting enough story.

    Seriously, I'ma come steal your brain one day. This. Line. Is. Awesome
    It just sums up everything in one ohsopowerful line. The way you add just and enough makes him seem as if he was just stating a fact. A detestable fact, at that.

    They were too blinded by money and false promises to see what was really going on right outside their front door. The entire world was corrupt yet no one could see it.

    It was no wonder people turned out the way they did.


    Frank>Life.
    He's so wonderfully cynical, about everything regarding society and people. And yet, it's not necessarily excessive. He just sees what seems to elude everyone else. Seems to give off another feeling of Frank's self-imposed superiority; the idea that no-one can see the corruption, except for him.

    I’ve been watching him for a few weeks, now. I’d already gathered everything I needed to know and planned out what was going to happen with the girl, the drug addict, when he’d caught my eye.

    Hurrah for next victim :weird
    But damn you for almost leaving it there xD.
    Is there a connection between Joe Victim and the recently deceased?
    Does Frank's current plan extent beyond the simple death of a single dealer?
    Do I always ask thousands of questions in comments without really expecting any answer for them but I'll ask them anyway because rhetorical questions are full of win?
    :tehe:

    And boy, did he have something to hide.

    I both despise and savour cliffhangers. The latter because they're so very very awesome when they're done well. The former because I wanna know what happens nowwwwwwww:cheese:

    So yeah. Somehow you still pwn at this xD
    ily. More soon maybe?:arms:
    July 16th, 2008 at 12:29pm
  • Ciel Phantomhive.

    Ciel Phantomhive. (100)

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    For something reasonably brutal, this story is gorgeous.

    I like how Frank and Gerard are on the different ends of the spectrum, or appear to be. Yet they're the same at the same time, trying to help people almost, helping and saving peole. Just in different ways.

    So yes, it is good. Very good.
    June 27th, 2008 at 08:41pm
  • Pie.

    Pie. (100)

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    It's Gerard. Yay!
    Gerard with something to hide. More yay!
    Update soon pleash! I'm dying to know what happens!
    June 26th, 2008 at 09:06pm
  • crazy.beautiful

    crazy.beautiful (100)

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    People were nothing but sheep; quick to follow the crowd without ever stopping to think for themselves. They were too blinded by money and false promises to see what was really going on right outside their front door. The entire world was corrupt yet no one could see it.

    that's so true...that was an awesome statement to make...

    i rather liked this chapter, someone has sparked interest....i'm anxious to find out what's being hidden too...more soon please?! =]
    June 26th, 2008 at 06:26am
  • Unapologetic Apathy

    Unapologetic Apathy (100)

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    AWW!!

    He can't kill Gee!!

    ..if that is Gee....

    Update SPoon!
    June 26th, 2008 at 12:58am
  • Angelus.

    Angelus. (100)

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    Ooooh.. is it Gerard?
    Great twist, if it is...

    You're a really great writer, and I love this story! But you maybe need to update more often if you can... :arms:

    more soon!

    xoxox
    June 26th, 2008 at 12:45am
  • animrod

    animrod (100)

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    I've been meaning to comment this for so long. It caught my eye weeks ago and I just read it all the way through; it's amazing.
    The first paragraph of the first chapter was attention grabbing; exactly what it should have been.

    "Seeing that moment of realisation, that split second before the light goes out in their eyes, when time stops and there is no sound but the blood pumping and lungs expanding, the nanosecond of resigned acceptance that this really was the end."

    Fucking genius. Really.
    I know Frank's demented, that he kills people, but his way of thinking, way of analyzing what he does, is so... persuading. He doesn't quite feel what he's doing, and somehow, that makes it seem okay for us.

    "It was a far cry from what she was now, dull eyed and sickly thin, selling her body on dirty street corners."

    You took away the cliche of the beautiful woman dying; you made her ugly, made the drugs do to her what they actually do. It wasn't sugarcoated, and it took away even more sympathy we may have felt.

    "Me? I’m karma."

    Yes fucking yes. That was a great way to end it.

    -

    Now, Gerard. He can feel, he has empathy, and he picks up the remains of Frank's messes.

    "There was someone, somewhere, who took the death so hard, and he was the one who had to watch them crumble. "

    Which is a different way of saying it.

    "the blood having stopped circulating beneath her what I figured was once clear, ivory skin."

    That sentence was almost beautiful. Really, I love the way both of you describe her, and I can see her. A pretty blond deteriorating from the drugs, a woman destroyed. It's tragic, the character you've created, and she's barely even a character.

    :finger: Go away, Matt. Gerard is a tortured genius.

    "They said the best asked questions were the ones that could never be answered. "

    Yes fucking yes again.

    I love this story. I love it, and I'm not sure just what it is yet.
    Amazing. In Love
    May 24th, 2008 at 03:38am
  • Mikey Way

    Mikey Way (100)

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    Wow.
    That was amazing.
    Gerard thinks like the rest of us.

    More soon?
    May 17th, 2008 at 10:18pm
  • TorturedWings

    TorturedWings (100)

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    this is just amazing :D
    you're a really good writer...
    can't wait for more...
    May 17th, 2008 at 06:30pm
  • crazy.beautiful

    crazy.beautiful (100)

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    i am utterly speechless once again from this story....seriously the talent present is astounding and i love how each word draws you in, sucking up your attention like a dry sponge....i cannot wait for more!
    May 17th, 2008 at 07:10am
  • Sheepy

    Sheepy (115)

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    Yay for update!Wow

    It still hung in the air. Death was a horrid thing.

    Wow; contrast much? I mean, we've just had this chapter with this crazy seemingly death-obsessed maniac, who seems to enjoy death simply because of its necessity to society, and then we're hit with this right after it; death is a horrid thing. I mean, what? :XD Frank finds it a point of interest, Gerard finds it a point of diisgust and avoidance. I mean, it's like he's the Jekyll to Frank's Hyde or something. And then you've got this: I knew this from being in this field of profession for such a long time. Profession? Homicide Investigator, perhaps? At first guess, that's what comes to mind, which makes me wonder whether Gerard didn't take the preffered career course or something. Or maybe he's just got too tired of all the deaths he's had to look through with a fine-toothed comb. And again, you've got that contrast to Frank. It's like an unspoken system. Gerard tries to arrest and punish those who conform to the judicial system, and Frank just picks off the ones who slip through the nets, who manage to evade that which is inevitably coming to them.

    It was almost like a bad smell. You hated it, it made you want to vomit all over the floors, and you wanted to spray Febreeze to cover it up. It hung in the air tragically, as you tried to figure out how it had come about. That’s what death was. Tragic. Hanging there above you, a dark cloud, a bad smell, an evil omen.

    I'd say by this point evil omen has a name, even if Gerard doesn't know that yet. And the wording here is just beyond amazing. It just highlights-well, in Gerard's persepctive, anyway-the aftermath of a death. It's not just the sight of the body, or the grieving families. It's like a presence, an otherworldly thing which just remains, as these things often do. Like the blood on your hands you can't quite wash off. But then again, seeing the difference between Frank and Gerard, the former probably thinks death in itself is the sweetest smell in the whole world.

    But aside from the soft murmurs of the cops, the world seemed rather quiet, to me. Almost calm. There were no hysterics from a sobbing mother or husband, no kids asking where their mummy or their sister were.

    Gerard almost seems haunted by the cons of his job. As if it's become the status quo to have to deal with the ones who get left behind, the ones who the dead body means something to. The way you put it as 'almost calm' to me also somehow mirrors Frank's calmness when he actually commited the crime. Highlighting again the way he finds his targets? The only thing that's been pointed out as out-of-the-ordinary thus far is this small detail. Even when there's been a murder, there's no screams to be heard.

    She could have been pretty – at one point, I decided. Except for now, she was dead, pale – the blood having stopped circulating beneath her what I figured was once clear, ivory skin.

    This entire chapter just seamlessly provides the key differences between Gerard and Frank, as well as the slightly more subtle ones. I mean, Gerard's taken the time to make him own mind up about the dead body, what she might have once been; he's making it personal. Frank didn't even stop to pick up a name. He just knew the story, and that was enough. And the idea that Gerard's sickened by the fact this killing may have had its sole motive in its location, makes it seem like he's everything in a perceptiopn about death that Frank's not. Gerard thinks it's never necessary, and Frank couldn't be more of an opposite.

    There was something about this particular homicide, like the last three – that just struck me as tragic, sad, upsetting. Two of them had no family, like this one, and the other one had a wife, who was abused by him. But still, there were no traces or who could have done it, or why.

    Aha, so we have an established pattern. No motive, no trace, and no connection except for utter circumstance; probably no one would care if they disappeared, and no-one would intervene at the last minute to save them.

    I'm kinda wondering here as well; taking it from what's been said here, Frank's killed three people. Gerard's investigated countless murders. Could Frank's perceptions on death be accounted for by his novicity? I mean, when he's seen as much as Gerard has, will he change his mind? Or is he set in his ways from the word 'go'?

    I did that a lot. Spoke before letting the sentence process in my mind, the lack-of-eloquence words almost always causing a tense silence in the room. I asked the good questions – I knew this. The ones that could never be answered, the ones that were logical and illogical at the same time

    That seems to be a fact of life, that someone will ask that everyone either can't, or won't answer. And it reflects badly on them as a person, because others might think that they should also know the impossibility of delivering an answer, but at the same time, something like that; a question like that, is surely something on every detective's mind, espeially in such tragic circumstances.

    And then we have Matt. What's his story? Where's his angle on the prospect of murder? Or is he something like a middle ground between the two extremes of the Frerard spectrum? How will he figure into this as the story develops? Will he ever voice his opinion of Gerard in something louder than a murmur?

    I stood in the middle of the room – wondering yet again – why anyone felt the need to murder.

    Hahaha. What I'd give to have Gerard interview Frank. Gerard, asking why anyone has the need to murder; Frank'd probably go off on some crazy monologue about the necessity of himself and his karmic actions in society in general. It'd be completely priceless xD.

    Well, yeah, this ruled. I don't care if logic and biology are against you, you guys should make babies and spawn the next generation of geniuses. :yah
    May 17th, 2008 at 02:24am
  • we are invincible.

    we are invincible. (100)

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    It's so...mysterious like. XD
    May 17th, 2008 at 12:20am
  • Pie.

    Pie. (100)

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    The plot thickens...
    May 16th, 2008 at 08:33pm
  • Rose Red

    Rose Red (400)

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    This is amazing. I was in love right away from the first line.

    I loved how Frank was described in the first chapter, and how he knew everything about the woman he murdered. It was sick and twisted, and I could see into his mind perfectly. And I found myself understanding kinda where he was coming from, how he justified what he did.

    And then in the next chapter how the other side of the story was shown, with Gerard, that just added so much more to the story. His take on everything was just awesome, how he thought, everything.

    I think my favorite part so far is Me? I was the one who caught the people who got through the net. Evaded the system. The one who took down the ones who slipped through loopholes and corrupted judges. The one who took down those who couldn’t be jailed for the crime they committed.

    Please more soon? I can't wait.
    May 16th, 2008 at 07:58pm
  • Angelus.

    Angelus. (100)

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    oOH, Great second chapter... so Gerard's a policeman.. cooool.
    Matt = Matt ex-drummer of MCR? hehee, nice.

    I can't wait to see how this story unravels, good work!! Clap

    xoxoxox
    May 16th, 2008 at 06:51pm
  • Unapologetic Apathy

    Unapologetic Apathy (100)

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    o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0h!

    Frankie is a killer,

    Gee is a cop-ish-person!!!

    Interesting!!

    Update Spoon!!
    May 16th, 2008 at 06:05pm
  • Donks2000

    Donks2000 (100)

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    THAT. Is an AMAZING OPENING!
    Seriously more soon! Like soon soon. Like now soon.

    ....Please? :shifty
    May 13th, 2008 at 12:32am
  • Phantasmagoria

    Phantasmagoria (100)

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    You realize how much I adore this story?
    Jesus christ, I'm in a state of shock right now.
    I'm going to print it out and put it in my binder for school,
    and read it whenever I'm bored. (:
    I'll post a better comment later, but to be precise, I fucking love this.
    In Love
    It made me wanna write. :tehe:
    You are brilliant Erin.
    April 30th, 2008 at 10:32pm
  • Mikey Way

    Mikey Way (100)

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    Nice.
    More soon?
    April 24th, 2008 at 01:37am
  • Angelus.

    Angelus. (100)

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    oooh great last line...
    Frank's a vigilante!
    nice :D

    ;looking forward to more Clap *subscribes*

    xoxoxox
    April 24th, 2008 at 12:19am