Athena - Comments

This seems like a really cool idea. I hope that you will answer the many questions that the first chapter left me with. Update soon? I can't wait to read more! And thank you for letting me know that you posted this.

This is quite commendable actually. But I am quite disappointed since you clearly did not proofread or edit your piece thoroughly.

Grammar Mistakes:

audiable is not a word. It should be audible instead of audiable.

Another mistake is using the word burrowed because burrowed means to hide; a shelter or refuge; a hole or tunnel made by a fox or rabbit. I think you should have used furrowed instead of burrowed since furrow means to make wrinkles in the face. To use it in a sentence, it would be: Her brows furrowed and she shook her head in disappointment.

Speaking of disappointment, you misspelled that word. You forgot to put another 'p.' Also, you forgot to put another 'p' in approached since you spelled it as aproached.

Furthermore, I don't really know why you spelled the past tense of echo as echo'ed but it should be echoed; without the apostrophe. You also missed another 'd' in Goddess. You spelled it as Godess. Moreover, there is no 'e' in angrily.

Besides all those spelling mistakes, you forgot to put commas on some of the dialogues.

"Listen to me clearly, Athena," his lips quivered, "those..."

^ I believe that should have been the format of your dialogue.

Your sentences could be formed better and you could use some conjunctions: for, and, so, but, yet. There are some sentences that could use conjunctions.

For example, Zeus’s eyes flashed with anger and disappointment and Athena knew better than to test the actions of his requests.

I may be wrong but I think that it would be better if you put an and between those two sentences or just a period.

Furthermore, this sentence: Her blue eyes shook with anger, could be changed into: Her shoulders shook with anger because I know that eyes do not shake.

"We all watched-we all watched...as you did absolutely nothing." That sentence is quite awkward to me. I don’t know what to make of it.

Anyways, I think your piece has potential. I mean, you described the characters’ actions well. Your whole piece could just use some tweaking here and there.