M.O.N.S.T.E.R - Comments

Firstly I’d like to say that I really liked the plot, it felt fresh and original, even if it was inspired by Poe. There were hints of the protagonist’s internal troubles from the beginning though they weren’t immediately obvious until the end of the story which this kept it unpredictable. I felt the story could have been longer but if I’m honest that’s probably more for selfish reasons (like me wanting to read more) because it really was a quick, enjoyable read which ran smoothly. Your descriptions were great and I really had a glimpse at each of the character’s personalities; the chirpy city girl who was relieved to have a friend out in the country and the religious farmer’s son who had spent his childhood working and sacrificed his education for his family. I would have liked a little more backstory on each of the characters but for a story of that length I think you did a good job. The way the protagonist studies himself in the mirror is a nice touch and I like the irony in Angel’s name and it leaves me wondering whether she was actually called Angel or if it was something that Richard had sort of decided she was called because of her perceived perfection to him.

I’m here because of Comment Swap and I’m pleased that this is the story I was asked to read because it was original, dark and thoroughly enjoyable.

Oh dear.

That was creepy all the way through. Really well done tension and horror. I actually feel sick to my stomach right now because of how well it was done. Sometimes the comment swap stories are painful to read and yours was too but this time in a really good way.

I thought some phrases were awkward while I was reading it but by the end it seemed like it was on purpose because of how sick your MC was.

The only note I can give you is that Angel never really felt real to me. She could use a bit fleshing out in the details.

Wow, that was really dark and depressing. I LOVE IT! Here because of comment swap. Your story had the perfect tone for it. It started out light and happy, but heavy with love. Then it transformed into utter darkness. You portrayed Ritchie's feelings so well. From his love, to his anger, then his guilt. This really is talent! You packed so much into such a small page. As far as critiquing goes.. There was some awkward phrasing in there and little things like that, but you did say you wrote it in about an hour. Whatever, that stuff happens. Overall, great job, I would read more like it. :)

Wow..I really really enjoyed this. I'm here because of comment swaps, and I kid you not, this is the best thing that comment swap has ever made me read. You are such a talented writer! Nothing about this was boring. I loved your character, I loved the way you explained everything. I felt panicked along with your main character. So dark, so perfect.

Wow I'm speechless

That was deliciously dark. A surprising turn of events and just wow, tense but it flowed so well. Ritchies' descriptions are so poetic. Loved the last two lines. Dark but powerful. I enjoyed this a lot :)

i love your story ti is trult great you captured everything so beautifully with your words keep writing your really good x

I really like this story. I thought it was quite poetic, really. I think it's great how you packed so much into such a short amount of writing; you managed to capture the intensity of Ritchie and the loveliness of Angel in one chapter. I liked it :)

Wow, that's pretty dark. Much like Edgar Allen Poe.

I admire the way you transcribed your story, it's very well written and thought out. You were able to fit a considerable amount of detail and emotion successfully in a rather short story, it was a very good read.

Awesome work!
Chibi

I thought this was really cool! I love the mix of horror/romance thingy going on here.

@ Wave.to.Me
Thank you! I know that I'll never be up to EAP with a story I wrote in an hour, and my stories did start kind of like his. Then I kept changing it until somehow this messed up thing appeared on my screen xD

Well I don't usually read stories like these, but it was an interesting story. I saw like two mistakes, but they are fixable with a read over. Now the story in whole was really good. I have read Edgar Allen Poe before, and though this isn't like his, it's still a very good story. I liked the intensity and the way that Ritchie kept seeing himself in the mirror. I also liked the irony that you made go with Angel, all in all it was a really good story! Great job! =D

Intense, wow. I liked it, good job!!