Mimi. - Comments

Cas tho omg he's so sweet on Na I love it so much

THE LAST LINES OKAY. OKAY.

More? More please. Oh god.

omg Naomi's line was so perfect alsdfjakjsdclkajsdf
what an amazing two liner
pLEASE UPDATE SOON BEE LET ME LOVE YOU XX

i really enjoyed reading this story.
you have a way with words.
i could envisioned everything in my mind just by the way you describe things.
i got through the first chapter, and i was already hooked.
keep updating! love it
:D

I have a terrible feeling that Casper's job isn't something Naomi approves of and they fight :/

I love your layout! I’m still trying to figure out how to do them.. amazing story by the way (:.

Be sure to check out my story, Lonely Girl, if you’d like. I’m dying to get more readers so i can get some feedback!

I don't know how I feel about this sdlkhflakrt. Casper and Naomi are so cute together and I know that he means well and that he's good for her. She feels safe with him and everything seems perfect but... I JUST FEEL LIKE SOMETHING HORRIBLE IS GOING TO HAPPEN AND I DON'T LIKE IT BUT I'M STILL GOING TO CONTINUE READING BECAUSE YOUR WRITING IS SO FLAWLESS. :( It's so well written I just want to cry. :c

SO MUCH CUTE IDEK BECAUSE CASPER. AND SADNESS. AND HE DOESN'T THINK HE'S GOOD ENOUGH BUT HE IS OKAY.

“I want you.” She rests her head against his shoulder, face in his neck as she plays with the buttons on his shirt. Stop it

You are on a roll today! I just love Casper he seems like such a cutie :)

So, I planned to give you a really great review, full of quotes and specifics, but once I started reading, I didn't want to take the time to stop and write down what I was thinking. This is actually really interesting. Part if the reason I don't usually do comment swaps is because so often I find I'm not a fan of what I'm reading for whatever reason and I never know what to say to the writer. But, oh my goodness, this was actually so good!!

When I saw that it was a sequel, I was nervous that I would have to read the prequel in order to understand, but I love that you don't! Even though it continues from a story about one character, it can completely stand in it's own - which isn't always the easiest thing. So bravo on that! It seemed that any thing I was confused about in the first one or two chapters, you had cleared up right away in the next one.

Your writing is phenomenal as well. It makes for such an easy but at the same time, you still manage to find a way to be poetic and interesting with your language.

I'm very interested to see what happens with Naomi and Casper. Or well, I guess it's Mimi now. I have to ask: you had Casper refer to her as something different because they're running away? A new identity and all that? I just wanted to make sure I'm on the same page here, haha.

All in all, this is amazing so far and I cannot wait to read more about their adventure. You've definitely got a subscriber and a recommendation out of me!

I didn't read the prequel, but I don't wanna half-ass this shiz, so I'm just going to tell you how beautiful this is okay?

Her life is a nightmare (though sometimes she deludes herself into believing she’ll wake up one day and everything will be just like it was before). I love sentences like this, like whoa. So beautiful.

I'd talk about character development, but your characters are perfectly themselves, so I don't really have much to say about that. Naomi is so cleverly written:
Naomi’s lonely, and she’s always been lonely, and she’ll continue to be lonely. I can't, okay? Because that just makes me sadface and I don't know how to deal with that.

She’s at a dinner party celebrating them, their anniversary, their love for one another. HAD THAT ACHEY THROAT FEELING RIGHT ABOUT NOW BECAUSE I JUST KNOW OKAY.

There are a girl and a boy crooning on the jukebox, her voice soft and his heady and makes the air feel heavy and damp even though it’s late spring, but Naomi doesn’t mind, stirring the ketchup on her plate with a limp fry. WHY ARE YOUR DESCRIPTIONS SO DELICIOUS PLEASE TALK TO ME NOW BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND IT AND I WANT YOU TO WRITE ME ALL THE FIC IN THE WORLD.

Maybe she wasn’t so lonely after all. HALLELUJAH
I love your little messages in the authors notes Mucho love.

(loves for little chapters homie)

I absolutely love this story and the last! And the new pictures fit perfectly. Can't wait for the next chapter :)

Chapter One

The concrete underneath her feet is covered in moss and crushed, dirty flower petals and old flyers and other things, cigarette butts and burnt out, stumpy matches.
There are too many uses of 'and' here, in my opinion.

reading Whitman and singing and people watching.
You should probably write that as 'people-watching', otherwise it's easy to misread it as thinking people are watching her.

[...]she picked up her things and came here and sat with a stone[...]
Here, you've changed from present tense "It's windy" to past tense "picked up". You move in and out of both tenses throughout.

Chapter Two

Juno’s gone and she’s lonely and choir and Home Ec aren’t quite cutting it anymore, and the sting that comes from having to sit alone during breaks and lunch and study hall is almost too much.
Again, too many uses of 'and'. I get what you're trying to do, though. I get the tone, I just think there are better ways to find it. But that could totally be just me. It might work for others, and you do this enough for it to become a recognised theme throughout.

I really like those first few paragraphs. I like the repetition of 'not really, not anymore' coming back as a question the second time.

Chapter Three

[...]but here they are anyway, drinking expensive wine and even more expensive appetizers.
They're drinking appetizers?

Natasha’s not with Fox, but has instead wrapped herself around some yuppie from a school in Midtown, swaying drunkenly with him in the hallway.
This sentence is odd. It needs an 'and' before that last bit. I do the same thing and add on half a sentence at the end of another without an 'and' and it's hard to break.

Chapter Four

When the first few notes of “My Mistakes Were Made For You,” they leave some money for the shakes on the table and then dance.
When the first few notes of "My Mistakes Were Made For You" sounded? are heard? There needs to be something there.

Chapter Five

“You started this,” he seethes. “Prancing around here in your little shirts and shorts and skirts and dresses, laughing and chirping away.”
The second part of his speech should continue. ''You started this,' he seethes, 'Prancing around here in[...]'

Chapter Six

She feels sick and tired.
And she’s sick and tired of being sick and tired, she tells him.
I like that.

They're pretty freakin' adorable, those two :3

I like the way you don't write everything out word for word. A lot of your story is implied, or skipped over, but in a really well-worked way. You don't have to go through the first time Eric is a douche to her, because it's implied from the one time you mention it that it's not the first time.

Just watch your tenses, because sometimes you'll switch to past tense randomly, and it makes it sound funny when you go back to present.
Also, some of your sentences run on too long. Like, you'll have 3 or 4 commas keeping it all together and it gets a bit hard to follow it through.

I like the narrator's voice, and I feel they're trying to get Naomi's personality through. I don't get why, though. There needs to maybe be more on what's going on inside Naomi's mind to link the narrator's voice to the character.

Aww Mimi :( I want to hug her so bad. Are they really going to run away together? I feel like you're gonna be mean and allow her step dad to do something terrible that prevents them from running away together lol. At least she has Casper though. I hope he kicks Eric's ass lol.

*ANOTHER!*

xD

I'm so glad you're finally updating this story again. I love it all so much. I know this is going to sound terrible, but you write her step father so well. I hate him so much for Naomi, ugh. I'm glad she has Casper in her life.

Argh! more okay? Just give me more goddamn it. Ugh, that asshole, I wanna kick his ass I really love the way you write, it just seems so real and raw. And Chapter 6 was really disturbing and upsetting... what an asshole. ANOTHER! *throws down speakers*

Ahh, Honestly I forgot all about this story, but when I saw that you updated, the excitement came right back! I miss this so much <3 I hope you update more!

And how old are Naomi and Casper again?

i loveeee this story. and your quote from the great gatsby is one of my all time favorites- i even wrote part of any essay on it hahaha please update(: i was so happy when I saw it was active-ish again

I LOVE HOW SHE FOUND CASPER IN THE MIDST OF ALL THE CHAOS IN TIMES SQUARE LIKE SERIOUSLY
AW
PLEASE UPDATE SOON

I love the layout, first of all. And did i ever tell you that I'm so excited that there is a sequel!? Oh my goshh Naomi and Casper all the way <3