I don't usually bother mentioning story layouts, but your custom layout radius means that the corners cut out the first few letters of the title and the last few of the next chapter links. I wasn't sure if you knew or not so I thought I'd mention it!
I like how this story starts off. It sounds as if it's going to be this really philosophical explanation for something, but then you have that little I'm not bailing you out line that just seems to lighten the mood a little and I think that's great. Sometimes people can start things off too heavy when it comes to crime, but you've balanced it out nicely and instantly, that's something that gives me a lot of hope for the rest of the chapter. I like that your main character has this crazy internal struggle between being innocent and being worn down by everyone telling them that what they did was wrong and punishable by law. It's actually a torture method that they used in WWII to break down soldiers in prison camps and it can be really really effective, especially in situations where the subject is imprisoned.
I like the lawyer. He's exactly like those roughed-up lawyers from television programmes that smokes twenty cigarettes a day and has a glass of whiskey with every meal and I like the whole devil-may care attitude he puts forward initially, but then he gets all soft and lovely and I think it's a really nice contrast of character. I always imagine that dealing with murderers and general scum everyday would cause a lawyer to get this real hardened side, but I always think that they must have at least some humanity left for the people they defend and it's really nice to see that relationship between the two of them.
The ending was really interesting. I don't think I've ever read a story where the lines have been blurred so violently, or where the narrator actually reaches out to the reader for a final judgement. I still don't know what I think, whether she is innocent or whether she has a dark soul, but I think it's something I'll wonder about myself for a little while, definitely!
I just have one or two small pieces of advice regarding the writing itself:
So if you couldn’t afford a lawyer, which would help their precious economy, they would give you some crap-ass lawyer, who probably just got out of law school - I'd say there were too many commas in this sentence. You could definitely get rid of the one between lawyer and who.
I remember what the officers told me when, I was arrested - Again, too many commas. The comma in this sentence doesn't need to be there.
The only other suggestion I can make is that you use commas a lot before and which, in ninety percent of cases, isn't actually needed. Most commas that are before and can be removed without disrupting the sentences themselves and sometimes, they can even make the flow slightly better!
I like how this story starts off. It sounds as if it's going to be this really philosophical explanation for something, but then you have that little I'm not bailing you out line that just seems to lighten the mood a little and I think that's great. Sometimes people can start things off too heavy when it comes to crime, but you've balanced it out nicely and instantly, that's something that gives me a lot of hope for the rest of the chapter. I like that your main character has this crazy internal struggle between being innocent and being worn down by everyone telling them that what they did was wrong and punishable by law. It's actually a torture method that they used in WWII to break down soldiers in prison camps and it can be really really effective, especially in situations where the subject is imprisoned.
I like the lawyer. He's exactly like those roughed-up lawyers from television programmes that smokes twenty cigarettes a day and has a glass of whiskey with every meal and I like the whole devil-may care attitude he puts forward initially, but then he gets all soft and lovely and I think it's a really nice contrast of character. I always imagine that dealing with murderers and general scum everyday would cause a lawyer to get this real hardened side, but I always think that they must have at least some humanity left for the people they defend and it's really nice to see that relationship between the two of them.
The ending was really interesting. I don't think I've ever read a story where the lines have been blurred so violently, or where the narrator actually reaches out to the reader for a final judgement. I still don't know what I think, whether she is innocent or whether she has a dark soul, but I think it's something I'll wonder about myself for a little while, definitely!
I just have one or two small pieces of advice regarding the writing itself:
So if you couldn’t afford a lawyer, which would help their precious economy, they would give you some crap-ass lawyer, who probably just got out of law school - I'd say there were too many commas in this sentence. You could definitely get rid of the one between lawyer and who.
I remember what the officers told me when, I was arrested - Again, too many commas. The comma in this sentence doesn't need to be there.
The only other suggestion I can make is that you use commas a lot before and which, in ninety percent of cases, isn't actually needed. Most commas that are before and can be removed without disrupting the sentences themselves and sometimes, they can even make the flow slightly better!
I really did enjoy this piece, great job!