Red Lips - Comments

Sorry I meant 29th*

Sorry I meant 29th*

Contest Comment:
Well this story was interesting, not something I usually see on mibba. The overall plot was well thought out, but the characters reactions and interactions with each other was kind of choppy. The majority of the girls seemed to be bipolar, and Zaria was kind of weird with how she 'loved' Frost but she seemed to like Gabriella at first. Also Jake suddenly wanting to be with Gabriella seemed off, because he liked Zaria before.
Some of the sentences didn't flow together correctly, and you misused a lot of words.
And since you submitted so many stories to this contest, I’ve noticed that your sex scenes have the same elements and most of the same lines. Maybe you could switch it up a bit?
Anyway, please check the contest thread on April 19th to see if you've won.

I really liked this although at some points I found myself having to go back to the beginning of sentences to re read them ... Apart from that it's really good, awesome job :)

From the comment swap.
This was really good. It wasn't something that I would usually see on mibba.
There were some parts that just sounded awkward to me though. I found myself catching on the words while I tried to read, but that didn't happen all that often. I also feel like you repeated certain things in a few paragraphs. Just little tid bits, not a big deal.
Although, I loved this. Great job.

I agree with the previous comment. I liked this even though it was different from the first oneshot of the make me bleed series which is the prequel. Lol. I loved the names you used for your characters. <3 And you left me speechless with the love-making scene between Frost and Zaria, it is every woman's dream. :p Anyway, I'll read the sequel right away. Xd

I agree with the previous comment. I liked this even though it was different from the first oneshot of the make me bleed series which is the prequel. Lol. I loved the names you used for your characters. <3 And you left me speechless with the love-making scene between Frost and Zaria, it is every woman's dream. :p Anyway, I'll read the sequel right away. Xd

At least Zaria and Frost could move on with no regrets and in the future they would not regret not making love because they did. I liked it a lot. Thumbs up.

At least Zaria and Frost could move on with no regrets and in the future they would not regret not making love because they did. I liked it a lot. Thumbs up.

It was interesting. :-) Thanks for sharing it with me.

" even if I was drank" second line, second paragraph. It's pretty well-written depending on preference. It's not the type of story I usually read, mainly because I'm not very into girl-on-girl. Initially, it seemed for a moment that Zaria liked Gabriella. It doesn't seem likely that Jake will fall madly in love with G if he was set on dating Zaria a second earlier. Zaria seems bipolar about Frost- if she liked him as much as she did, the emotions could have been expressed more. The story in the beginning seemed like it had nothing to do with a gang- more like a girl simply going to high school. The details were in a bit of an over-drive, so I'd try to minimize them and describe more in less words.

I really enjoyed reading this. I'm glad you posted this on my pro. 8)

Good story! (=