The Sepulcher - Comments

I ended up listening to Slipknot as I read this. The ending was like getting a bucket of iced water to the face. Wow! This was incredible! Too much detail? Not even a problem for me. I'm just a little surprised.

Great job!

Tomb It May Concern:

Hello! I'm the second judge for the contest you entered this story in. You have a very descriptive writing style that is both beautiful, and sometimes just a little too much. I found that your description was lovely when I first started reading, but by the third paragraph, I was wondering when the description would end and the action would happen. It wasn't until after she visits the lady in the tent that you ease up on the description, and from then on I found it easier to read.

Description is GREAT and I really think it's an important thing to have and do as an author, but too much of it can distract the reader and make them bored. So, while you're great at it, try to tone it down in future writing.

I think this specifically fit very well into our contest theme! I'm curious as to what was at the door at the end of the pink corridor and I'm glad you sort of have left the ending up to the reader's imagination. It has given me a lot of questions, which my brain has answered in multiple different ways.

I also really like your title and your story layout. It is beautiful. I was going to suggest that you have the definition of a Sepulcher as the long description, but I can no longer suggest that since your protagonist asks it at the end of the story. It is important for it not to be known before then.

Good work and good luck!

Tomb It May Concern

Hi there. I'm going to get straight to the point - this was a beautifully written story. Your imagery is extraordinary, to say the least, and you have such a way with words. As far as the writing goes, it has to be one of the best things I've read on Mibba.
But, I do have some constructive criticism to accompany this. I feel that sometimes, you focus more on the present scenes and the experience the reader is having than what is actually going on in the story. You use all of the five senses to portray this detail and description, and it's wonderful to read about. It paints a vivid picture in my mind. But I can't say I understood the story very well. There were times when I was confused, because there wasn't much background info given. It may just be me - I don't know. Also, I didn't feel very frightened by it. I think all the imagery didn't make it feel direct, and it should feel that way if it's a psychological thriller.

You're a wonderful writer, but I think it may be more of the basics than just the writing part of it that I saw flaws in. Best of luck!