Title and Layout I always love when stories are named after characters, so I loved the title. The ; layout didn't really seem to match, but it was easy to read and that's all the matters.
Summary It was nice that you added the quote into the summary instead of the author's note, because it gave me an idea of what your story was going to be about.
Story Itself Your plot surprised me a bit, actually. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was like you wrote the total opposite and I loved that. It was a lot different than anything I've read. I' assuming she has some kind of disorder and then she died at the end?
I like how you alternated between the worlds, but the stars that you used as breaks kind of bugged me. They weren't that bad, but they were a little annoying.
I also noticed that sometimes your sentences got really choppy. They'd be really lovely and flow really nicely and then they'd get really short and choppy. I did really like your writing style, it just broke up a little too much sometimes.
I always love when stories are named after characters, so I loved the title. The ; layout didn't really seem to match, but it was easy to read and that's all the matters.
Summary
It was nice that you added the quote into the summary instead of the author's note, because it gave me an idea of what your story was going to be about.
Story Itself
Your plot surprised me a bit, actually. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was like you wrote the total opposite and I loved that. It was a lot different than anything I've read. I' assuming she has some kind of disorder and then she died at the end?
I like how you alternated between the worlds, but the stars that you used as breaks kind of bugged me. They weren't that bad, but they were a little annoying.
I also noticed that sometimes your sentences got really choppy. They'd be really lovely and flow really nicely and then they'd get really short and choppy. I did really like your writing style, it just broke up a little too much sometimes.
Overall, lovely job and thanks for entering! (: