The Boy and the Bookstore - Comments

@Ashes to Graphite

Thanks for the feedback! The Holmes-Watson and House-Wilson combinations are my favorite.

I like the whole dynamic between the 2 characters. It's very Holmes-Watson type relationship which is always entertaining. As for the writing itself, I think that some of the things you are saying don't really need to be said. In other words, try implying things and letting the reader sort of pick up on it on his or her own. Your indirect characterization is good, especially with Marcus, but one example is...oh I don't know what chapter, but towards the beginning (chapter 4-ish) Charlie says something along the lines of: "How did you know to put in Drug Stealer? The only way is if you new in advance that you were going to do that." Generally, people wouldn't actually say it. They might think it, but they wouldn't explain that to the other person. (By the way, that is an excellent way to provide insight into a character, having them do something like that. Good indirect characterization of Marcus, again) I also agree with spacejunkie; that is good advice.

That's all for now; I'll keep reading and hopefully muster up some more feed back! I really like this concept, though, keep up the good work!

I seem to get readers but not many comments. Do you guys like it? dislike it? Did I spell a word wrong? Which character is your favorite? Do you relate to any of it?

Yeah that's kind of what I thought but when I wrote it i was just trying to put some words on paper. I appreciate all your help. I have my work cut out for me. I guess it's a good sign I got a recommendation on the first day I uploaded it right? The first chapter is huge for attracting more readers so I need to look over that again.

@ RyanAden20
No worries, mate. For future reference, your summary page is a bit like the blurb on the back of a novel. People use it to decide whether they want to read more. Best of luck with your writing!

@ spacejunkie

I completely agree. I originally wrote as a first person for the character "Marcus" who is really Sam. I try editing it while reading over it but I suck at doing that. I did mean antisocial and I wasn't really sure what the summary was for. I didn't know if I had to do that for each chapter or if that was for the whole book. I definitely need to go back and add to it. I just started posting last night but I'm loving the advice! Thanks!

Your summary here is basically good, but you could sell it better with a hook. Maybe hint at any conflict you have planned, or open with a question. I also think you mean 'antisocial', not 'unsocial.' Additionally, a custom layout will get you more readers. Some people just skip things that aren't dressed up.

Your first chapter also starts off in a somewhat confusing manner. For instance, you start with dialogue, but it's not immediately clear who's speaking. Starting with a powerful description, or a reference to something less mundane than clothing might be better.

Another thing you could improve in this chapter is your dialogue. Flesh it out by showing us what is going on while people are speaking. What are their expressions like? What about objects in the background?

If you fix a few things, this could be quite popular, but you need to think about how you're packaging your story, and for whom. I hope that helps.