Coffee - Comments

This was precious. To be honest I have such a soft spot for stories involving coffee shop romances. I love how he seems like this confident, smart business man but when he comes up to her - he sounds almost unsure of himself in that situation. I also think that that's cute when guys are confident but a girl can make them shy and unsure. This was so precious, I love how she sikes him out at first and is all 'no' and he's all 'oh wait i've never been turned down before leave me alone to die' and then she's like 'lol but i said yes to the date' and he's like 'aww yee, scooore.' I didn't cry this time, I just smiled a whole big fat lot.

Aw, this story was so adorable! I loved the lightness to this, it was very sweet and cute to read. I love that the main character knows the guy's routine well, and I found myself smiling along to her reactions when the guy broke his routine and came over to talk to her. I love your writing as well, it's the perfect mixture of great dialogue and interesting descriptions. The ending was just adorable, when she said no to the coffee but yes to the date, and also how he asked her what she drank. I also loved how you incorporated the prompt. I just loved this.

Hi!

Some things while I was reading.

...a handsome dark man wearing a dark suit walks in and orders the same caffeinated drinks in the takeaway cups.

The use of "dark" closely in the same sentence sounds a little redundant. Instead of dark suit, perhaps name a color. Charcoal gray, or even simply black? It'll change up the phrasing a little.

There is a bit of a tense change - When he goes to leave, as he strolls past the petite tables... >> I guess this works as a historical present, but where you have, "Every day at just after one o'clock a handsome dark blonde man wearing a dark suit WALKS in..." I believe that this should be past tense -- walked in.

He waited for the drinks, keeping his focus forward as he fiddled with the edge of the counter. I stared at him the whole time until he finally received his drinks. >> This is a tad bit choppy - and maybe simply combining the two will ease that out. Something like I stared at him the whole time as he waited for the drinks, keeping his focus forward as he fiddled with the edges of the counter.

I like that the MC is watching him from behind the newspaper - says a lot about her personality. It's a cool use of characterization.

I also love the next paragraph - It would wreck the mystery that he was surrounded by. That's definitely a relatable topic, and you're right on point with that mini-freak out she's having, haha.

The dialogue is flawless, and it definitely has a realistic flow to it as well. It's cute that she teases him about the coffee thing. Nice job on that!

In a really short passage, you really conveyed the mystery of Nameless Blonde Guy, and developed a beautiful relationship between the two in under a thousand words.

I didn't find it too cliche - and I'm the most critical on that, haha - but rather sweet and romantic without being overbearingly so.

Great job on this, it's fantastic!

xxx Bee