The Forever Year - Comments

  • River Song

    River Song (100)

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    To start out, I really noticed that you have a really defined writing style. That's really hard to find on this website and really in general.
    Second, your plot is enough to make me want to crawl under my covers and sob for ages. So I hope you're happy, mister.
    November 20th, 2014 at 06:42am
  • DragonxFox

    DragonxFox (100)

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    For starters, I love the layout. It's just enough detail to catch my attention without overwhelming or taking away from the story, which is great :)

    Secondly, the summary has me so excited. I love how you changed it from explaining something that could've been so calm and everyday-like to this suspenseful thing that makes me want to know what happens to all those people. Also, I love how it ties in with the title. That's great.

    Chapter One
    Alright, so the narrative in the first sentence made me laugh. There should've been two commas after these words, though: "Fifth period; fifth period as in lunch; fifth period as in after the duration exactly twenty-four hours, the course of business for this hellhole—sorry, shithole—sorry, school would be completely and totally derailed."

    Also, isn't the phrase "lying his ass off" rather than "lying off his ass" ? Personal opinion, obviously.

    Side note, but your narrative voice is someone I want to be friends with. The humor and everything is just....making me so happy.

    Your descriptions of the characters are great so far. I'm just ridiculously desperate to find out A)what happens and B)why Callum is so damn angry at them all.

    Also, cliff-hanger? After the cliff-hanger in the summary? That is sooooo cruel.

    Chapter Two
    I'm telling you, this narrative!!! But seriously, I had so many different reactions to what you said about the guns. That's great, though, because even if someone might not agree that that's exactly what happens, it's perfect for where this story is apparently [possibly, hopefully] heading. Foreshadowing, success.

    Woah there. So many people being introduced here.

    And while I get that people can and do smoke both pot and cigarettes it made me go back to re-read and capture that in my mind as you started off saying Drew smokin' pot but his teeth were yellowed from tobacco, get me? No biggie, just my own little moment.

    And, ok, gonna just throw it out there. Callum is such a proper-speaking teenage human that it creeps me out. Forget his temper. I'd be so wary around him just for talking like that, haha.

    And my goodness gracious I absolutely abhor you leaving the chapters in cliff-hangers.

    ***
    Ok. I'm gonna keep reading and bugging you, but dropping off on the review for now. I can't believe how ridiculously hooked I am.

    It's well-written and I just saw your note on the bottom about nano; hopefully you enjoyed that. If you didn't finish this, please do so. Because otherwise I might cry. I need to know more. And if I get stuck with a cliff-hanger I might just cry.
    March 21st, 2013 at 07:50am
  • The Color Abi

    The Color Abi (300)

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    I've read the rest.
    I'm crying.
    This story has broken my heart.
    February 28th, 2013 at 01:05am
  • The Color Abi

    The Color Abi (300)

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    I'm going to start with the layout; it's so simple yet so incredibly beautiful. I'm in love with it even though it is so plain.

    The summary is quite eye catching and makes me really look forward to reading more. The fact it starts out in the future (that'll soon e the past) for the reader makes it far more fascinating than most stories I see on here.

    Chapter One.

    I love how it starts off with the character thinking what most others feel when it comes to school. And the way he smoothly lies to his teacher over how he needs to take the next class off...

    The ending worries me. My heart is racing and my hands are starting to sweat; is something horrible bound to happen? I think so...

    Chapter Two

    I knew that chapter two was going to have some sort of gun talk in it. It makes my mouth dry when I read it; the emotion you make the reader feel is so incredible and gah! I just love your way with words.

    This guys are lying, I just know they're lying. They're going to shoot up the school and fuck Callum, don't believe them, you idiot!

    -

    I'm going to continue to read but stop my review here. This story is so incredibly chilling and honestly, I'm madly in love with it.

    You are such an incredible writer and fuck me, how has this not got any more comments and readers? You should have everyone basking in the glory of this story, you really should.
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:31am
  • chocolate frog.

    chocolate frog. (100)

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    Wow, your writing style is amazing. I absolutely love how much emotion you put into this. It is so wonderfully written, and I can't wait for the next chapter. Update soon?
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:55pm
  • sibyl vane.

    sibyl vane. (100)

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    Wow, I was practically drooling over your writing style the entire time I was reading. So many people try to achieve the same style, and fail. You've got it spot on. Honestly, I'd pour it in a bowl and eat it, if I could. How are you not drowning in comments already? I'm excited to see how this plot will progress.
    November 11th, 2012 at 01:58am
  • MissParanoid

    MissParanoid (100)

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    Wow, I've been on the search for good Original Fiction and this would definitely fit the build. I loved it from the summary. You're writing style is fantastic and so unique, I love it!
    I can't wait for you to update more :)
    November 4th, 2012 at 06:36am
  • precursors

    precursors (105)

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    @ iBleedSarcasm
    Thank you Mr. Green
    I rather like the first sentence, actually XD it's a run on, but I like it. I might go back and change some of the details up, though, and give it some fine tuning. But thank you for the feedback (:
    October 11th, 2012 at 02:32am
  • Thingtastic

    Thingtastic (360)

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    Wow this sounds really good, you should update it. :D I've got to say that Callum sounds like a real creeper, when he whispers at the end. xD But why is he so pissed off about that guy bumping into him? He did apologize. o.O I guess I'll have to find out later. I do think you should turn the first paragraph into two though, and the first sentence is a run on and a bit confusing. Just work on that a bit and it'll be awesome. :D
    October 10th, 2012 at 08:23pm