I think your entry was written very well. To start off with constructive criticism, I saw a very large amount of grammar mistakes. I know how tiring it is to hear about that, but it really affects the way I read stories since I'm such a Grammar Nazi myself. I might suggest a beta for stories so they can flow a lot more smoothly. Your plot is very traditional, but scary nonetheless. I literally felt chills up my spine when 'the voice screeched,' because you made it sound so repetitive and demanding. I think you're definitely on the right track as far as imagery goes. Your descriptions can be simple in places, but you've got a great start and I can tell that it's going to evolve, and you're going to use it to a wonderful extent someday. In this entry, though, it was simple and didn't provide a very clear picture for me.
I think you did very well. Your writing needs a little work in some areas, but overall, you did well. Keep up the good work!
I think your entry was written very well. To start off with constructive criticism, I saw a very large amount of grammar mistakes. I know how tiring it is to hear about that, but it really affects the way I read stories since I'm such a Grammar Nazi myself. I might suggest a beta for stories so they can flow a lot more smoothly.
Your plot is very traditional, but scary nonetheless. I literally felt chills up my spine when 'the voice screeched,' because you made it sound so repetitive and demanding.
I think you're definitely on the right track as far as imagery goes. Your descriptions can be simple in places, but you've got a great start and I can tell that it's going to evolve, and you're going to use it to a wonderful extent someday. In this entry, though, it was simple and didn't provide a very clear picture for me.
I think you did very well. Your writing needs a little work in some areas, but overall, you did well. Keep up the good work!