A Game - Comments

The title is great - simple, alluring and morbidly perfect. The summary is much the same.

I love how you don’t use names. It all adds to the suspense, which is awesome.

The man's character is really interesting. I can picture him perfectly, and I wasn't overwhelmed with details either. Excellent balance there. You make me want to know his secrets.

You need to watch your repetition of words though. For instance, you use "ears" three times in the first paragraph and twice in one sentence. It makes it jerky to read, despite a great opening paragraph.
Also, I'd find a synonym for "nervousness" when she's swooning over the guy (kind of swooning anyway, haha) because you've already used "nervous" twice in the previous paragraph. You need to keep the vocab varied.

The way they all carry on at the table is really scary actually - the calm, the joking-type atmosphere despite the seriousness of the situation. These people, all probably in the same boat as her, terrified, carrying on like everything's okay. I think that's why I like the narrative style of this story - fully internal. It's just such a great mirror.

There are a couple of times where you tell us what she's feeling instead of showing, such as "she was paralyzed with fear." You really don't need the "with fear" in there. It actually takes away from the mood you're trying to convey.

The ending absolutely blew me away though. One of the strongest I've ever read on this site. It's truly great. Perfect even.

Overall, a very enjoyable, suspenseful read!

I quite enjoye that. Made me very antsy. I really liked the way you wrote it. It was wonderful love :)

@ synful_desires
Which one is ending first? I don't really know right now since both have so much that still needs to happen in them. I don't have a set number of chapters, so we'll have to wait it out and see.

As long as you write one is all that matters! :D But tell me, is going to be Zacky or Brian's fic??? I'm a Synner, you know. *_* Don't mention it, you just do a great work, that's why I'm reading. I'm literally in love with 'The Monster In You', can't wait to finish it and read the sequel! *-*

@ synful_desires
If I do write a sequel, which is very possible, it will definitely be a full length. It will probably be next year sometime when I weite it thoigh since I want to finish at least one of my full lengths first. :) And thank you so very much.

Please, do write a sequel, a full length if you will! LOL It's a very good one shot and I could feel her nervousness and tension about all the situation. Let me know when you write the sequel, please; you're a very good writer, in fact I'm reading two stories of yours. ^^

@ synful_desires
Sorry to break it to you but it is over. :/ Open ending so you can make what you want, but I may decide to write a sequel in the future.

You're not going to stop it there, right? Please continue I'm dying to know what happens next!!!!

Oh god, why would you stop there? :o
I'm so curious about what's going to happen now!
Please update soon!