The first thing I wanna point out is the spacing of the paragraphs. I'm not sure if it's a rule, or if it's because it makes it look a lot neater, but most readers prefer the paragraph spacing. As in:
It’s words were seductive; like a tasteful bribery, I found myself becoming swayed into … what? He had made no demands, and yet I was already most willing; his stare continued to penetrate me.
“Why me?” I asked, meaning to enquire as to why he’d chosen to contact myself above all others. I had no reason to assume he hadn’t confronted anyone else, but somehow I knew I’d been selected.
See what I mean?
And another thing is the lack of a layout. I know creating a layout is hard, and might be very confusing at first, but the default layout is a bit of a push-away for readers. Normally a reader clicks a story and uses the layout to give them hints on what's going on--the topic, theme, anything else serves as a visual aide. Without a layout, most think the content will be cruddy, needing a chizz load of improvement, and just downright bad. This isn't the case, and I think a layout would be the perfect thing to complete this. Just remember, if you're having difficulties with the layout, feel free to message me and I can definitely help with that!
There's always a little more than critique in a comment.
This was really, really good. And I loved it. The fact that it was short was really just.. ooh. It made me wonder what exactly he saw, and what it was talking to him, and wonder about everything! But not knowing just made it a million times better.
I love your descriptions, especially the one about the rainbow and the spider web, that was brilliant. Your writing is incredible, and I'd love to see more pieces like this from you.
It’s words were seductive; like a tasteful bribery, I found myself becoming swayed into … what? He had made no demands, and yet I was already most willing; his stare continued to penetrate me.
“Why me?” I asked, meaning to enquire as to why he’d chosen to contact myself above all others. I had no reason to assume he hadn’t confronted anyone else, but somehow I knew I’d been selected.
See what I mean?
And another thing is the lack of a layout. I know creating a layout is hard, and might be very confusing at first, but the default layout is a bit of a push-away for readers. Normally a reader clicks a story and uses the layout to give them hints on what's going on--the topic, theme, anything else serves as a visual aide. Without a layout, most think the content will be cruddy, needing a chizz load of improvement, and just downright bad. This isn't the case, and I think a layout would be the perfect thing to complete this. Just remember, if you're having difficulties with the layout, feel free to message me and I can definitely help with that!
There's always a little more than critique in a comment.
This was really, really good. And I loved it. The fact that it was short was really just.. ooh. It made me wonder what exactly he saw, and what it was talking to him, and wonder about everything! But not knowing just made it a million times better.
I love your descriptions, especially the one about the rainbow and the spider web, that was brilliant. Your writing is incredible, and I'd love to see more pieces like this from you.