Blue - Comments

To be perfectly honest I wasn't sure if this was going to be my cup of tea to begin with, but the more I read the more I wanted to know and now I'm pretty well hooked! I like the portrayal of Kasper and the fact he isn't wholly perfect, and I can't wait to find out what happened with Alex the night he saved him.
The internal struggle of Amelia between wanting to be her own age and her maternal pull is very well written too, and I love how different she and Charity are, they compliment each other well.
This is really well written and I look forward to reading more!

I love this so much and it kills me that such a good, well-entertaining story hasn't been updated in so long.

*Comment Swap*
I have to admit, I wasn't sure after reading the first chapter, but then as the story went on I got addicted! This is the first story on Mibba that I have read and actually enjoyed immensly! The story is so very well written, and I love Kaspian's character! I can't wait to read the next chapter! I am definitely curious to see how Amelia plays into all of this!

I love it. You put real depth into the story. It's complex and well thought out. I agree that the names were of excellent choice. Wanted to read more after chapter four. And the grammer was good no big errors at all. Amazing story!!

Comment swap:

I love the layout but I feel like you should give credit to the person whom created the picture: Michelle Monque ( you can find her on deviantart)

But on to my actual review:

I love how descriptive and beautiful your imagery is, I feel like I'm not only reading but living the story. I agree with writetolove, you picked very unique but not strange sounding names that I've really taken a liking too.

I like how you avoided the stereotypical blonde character!! Finally at last someone has!

As a reader, I hate when people use stock characters and just write with stereotypes but you have created complex, touching characters that are realistic.

As a blonde, finally someone isn't presenting us as stupid. At long last!

Maybe that was a bit too enthusiastic, nonetheless you have a real gem here that I enjoyed reading.

Comment Swap:

I like this. Your writing is very elegant, with a touch of complexity that I really like. I like the character's names as well--Amelia, Charity, etcetera, they are all simplistic names that don't even begin to hint on how complex the characters are.

As simplici visu said, the grammar is fine, there isn't anything brutal about it that needs to be changed. I really like how your writing is slow and not rushed at all. Also, I like how Charity has this blow out with Amelia, because no friendship is always 100% stable, and especially not after something as momentous as what happened to Amelia. All in all, lovely story--keep it up!

Hey :D I got this through comment swap - I just have to say that I absolutely love this, both the story and the layout. For starters, the story flows so well that it hard not to be sucked into it. The grammar is okay, not the best, but it wasn't anything major. However, despite that - I'm interested to see where the story takes me :)

Oh my gosh. I just found this on a comment swap and it is fantastic. I love your ideas. Its only on the 4th chapter and you already revealed this big twist to it. But with your writing it wasn't even rushed into it. Its just.. Well, its perfect so far. Great job, keep on writing :)

@xxMusiqueEstMaVie
Thank you for the constructive criticism, comments like this I need! :) For starters, I haven't been writing in over a year so I like to say I am incredibly rusty. Thank you for the pointers though, I will be sure to check the flow of my sentences. As for the characters I totally get what you mean. I understand that Amelia describes Charity as this amazing best friend, but I show the readers that she isn't. But you have to understand that prior to this moment, Charity always subdued, went along with Amelia and her plans. For once she just wanted a little time with her friend, and she was determined to get it. Maybe it wasn't the best way to describe things, but I'll keep a look out for next time. Thanks again for all the pointers, and such :)

@moriartily
I haven't been writing in a while, so my grammar is off a little more than usual. As a writer, I was never perfect at it but I feel as though I had less grammatical errors. And thanks for commenting, and I hope to hear from you soon about your thoughts on my unusual plot :)

Another comment swap here.
In the first chapter, there were a couple of grammatical mistakes that I noticed. Nothing big, but they did trip me up a little when I read them. Just make sure that you proof read a little more or maybe get a beta, they work wonders. But, don't get me wrong, this story sounds wonderful, and I'm going to keep on reading for sure. From what I have read, it sounds like something new, and this site is practically the same story over and over.
Just, fantastic job.

Comment swap brought me here :) So in the first chapter, there were a few little things that stood out to me. In the first paragraph, it says "I had no time for leisure time," and later on she says, "I had to stop self-pitying myself." There's just moments like that that don't flow well. I'm interested to see where the story goes though, and how it ties in with the summary. I also think what you're telling us about the characters is a little different than what you're showing us. Does that make sense? Like you write about how Charity is this wonderful friend, but then in the conversation, she doesn't come across that way. She's pushy and not understanding of the situation her friend is in. So I guess there could be a little more consistency with the characters. I do like that you switch around the points of view though. It's always interesting to see the story through different sets of eyes.

The end of the second chapter just confused the crap out of me but i hope you update soon! This story has amazing potential and is really intriguing. Don't get upset by silent readers, write because you like to...and because i would love to continue to read it ^_^
update soon!
P.o.H.