December 23rd, 2012 at 07:46am
Halloween sweetie treat:
Well, I'm not quite sure where to start. The title's brill and reading the story I feel that it's really suitable. Then I come to the content and I feel like I'm lacking any words to use. But pushing though that, I have got to say that it's really well-written and wordy, but in a good way. Like the way where you read something you know that if there was any less amount of description and words used then it wouldn't read the same as it does right now and that it'd be less of a brilliant read than it is right now. If that makes sense, something that doesn't seem like it does. But that could just be me.
Genie just seems pathetic in this, but not in the way that she just wants to seem pathetic to Trevor but rather she's just genuinely pathetic anyway. Either way, though, it gives her character and allows me to be able to connect with her through the words as I go further into the story. That's something that is vital within a story and I'm so glad you managed to achieve that in this.
"As her touch wanders the flesh of my neck and her lips brush against mine, I wonder if maybe Romeo had the right idea taking the easy way out." - I think this line is the best thing about the piece for me and I'm not even sure why. It just fits so perfectly and each word has a vital place in the sentence, something that you know cannot be moved no matter what because it just wouldn't work.
I can't think of much more to say about this piece other than it's really well written and seems practically flawless, but if I think of anything else to say then I'll drop by another comment with those thoughts.
i thought that this was pretty and meaningful and full of sense and it's great dear. i like the metaphors. I like genie and the paragraph wherein you described love. idk, i just really like this so much. keep up the good work! :)