Break Your Little Heart - Comments

Comment Swap sent me. :]

I adore that you are taking this in a different direction than most fan fiction. Having a girl using someone for fame isn't something you see too often. It's refreshing. What your tenses and wording though,It can be a bit confusing. Other than that, good job. I have no idea who One Direction is, but I had no problem following the story.

I love how you started the story. It's interesting and seems alive. Unfortunately for me I don't know anything about one direction so I don't know who you are talking about like what the person looks like as far as the picture on top of the story aligns with... But the story itself is amazing better then some I've read about that goes with One Direction. Can't wait for the chapters to come :)

I shall try : ] thank you for the comment, and yeah, Niall crying over food. I can see it now...

i love it,especially the ending with Niall crying because he didnt have peri chicken haha xxupdate soon

I am here with comment swap.

I don't like One Direction at all, but I like where the story started. I did see quite a few grammar and spelling errors, mostly just using the wrong forms of words like "their" and things like that. Also, you changed points of view quite a few times. If you use "I" in a story, it's first person. If you use "you," it's second person. You kind of switched back and forth, so I would suggest going through and changing the places where you used "you."

As far as dialouge, make sure you space it out, and use the correct format.

"I never said that!" Harry said.

"Yes, you did," Jerry replied.

I think you just put a period where the comma should be. But you did it correctly with the exclaimation points. This isn't meant to sound mean, just giving you some constructive criticism.
The story idea seems more original for a fan fic, so I applaud you on that. I read a lot of fan fic, so I'm glad to see you taking it in another direction. You're on the right track, and I wish you good luck as you continue along!