Double the Curls - Comments

Update right now. Like two months ago now.

update sooooon. i need my Edward fix.

Yeah okay so I didn't go to sleep because I wanted to read this. Hahahaha.

WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE EDWARD I NEED TO KNOW.

And ooooo, lord. Harry, you little whore. ;) JUST KIDDING. Kind of. But actually not. He was grabbin' the butt, and they barely know each other. WHORE. ;) Hahaha. This is still fabulous and I NEED TO KNOW WHY EVERYONE HATES EDWARD. Okay, bye. :D

I read your blog and decided that I'd check out a chapter or so of your work, so I could maybe give you a better comment instead of just saying, "I'm sure your work is fantastic." Because anybody can say that. So I read the first chapter of this and now I'm going to give you a proper comment.

I don't know much about One Direction, but I've read my fair share of these fan fictions through comment swap and such. And for the most part I'll read them and nobody will bother adding a description, so I have no idea which guy is which. You added description, so I could read this as an original fiction. And that's always a good thing in my books. =)

Speaking of description, it was nice to see that you also didn't have your protagonist describing herself to the readers. We only learned through reading that her eyes are greyish coloured. Definitely a good thing. =)

Can you handle some constructive criticism at the moment? Just a couple of things.

The first paragraph of the story, where she's showering and getting ready for her day, just seemed a little unnecessary. Or maybe it could have been a little shorter? Just a personal opinion, but it bored me a little. Things were much better once the dialogue started and things were moving along.

Another thing, sometimes you misuse words. The most notable one I've seen is "threw" when you should be using "through". Threw is when you throw something; though is when you, say, walk through a doorway. Go through something. But this is just a first chapter, so maybe you already know about this and have fixed it. Still, I've mentioned it.

All in all, I think this was a great first chapter. It looks like the main characters have been introduced, a point of interest has been established, and we've seen personalities. I don't know what that hater was talking about, because I think this is great.

You ARE a good writer, and with practice you WILL get better. People obviously love your work, so focus on them instead of on those who don't.

Great start. =) Good luck with this story!

Great update!
Can't wait for more <3
Update soon?(:

AHHHH. I love how cocky those boys are. AND I REALLY NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS SO AWFUL ABOUT EDWARD. Does he have LEPROSY or something? Good lord...hahaha.

YES. KATE. sadojf;klasdjfk She seems like a fantastic character so far. ;) I can't wait to see what's done with her character.

And this chapter was not crappy! It was fabulous. Hahaha. I can't wait to read more. :D

Haha, I just giggled all the way through. Love it.

Great fully - what you mean here is gratefully all one word and different spelling. And Maureen's side of the phone conversation doesn't need to be in italics.

love it

sorry, did a typo there :D I meant *honour

sorry, did a typo there :D I meant *honour

OH MY LAAAAAAWD, JESUS TAKE THE PRNDL, EDWARD STYLES I'M DONE.

When I found out it does include Edward Styles, I knew I'll love ths story:)

And would be an hnorou to appear in this story, y'know? :D

From first glance, this looks like a nice story. The layout is cute and simple, and the summary quirks a certain interest. However, I found some mistakes in your writing.

The first paragraph has a lot of sentences that come off as awkward and too choppy. For example, here:

It took me a good thirty minutes to decide on an outfit which was a pair of skinny leg jeans, a plain v neck and my white vans. Today I'm startat a new school which sucks. I hate being the new girl at school.

The first sentence in that is a bit of a run-on, and can irritate. The second sentence is grammatically incorrect. It should be,

"Today, I'm starting at a new school, which sucks."

---

"Maureen are you ready?" Evan asked threw my door

"Almost," I said

"Alright well Mum made breakfast,"

"I'll be down in a minute,"

This bit of dialogue was also incorrect. I'm assuming you didn't include a few words in the first bit. Which is understandable; a lot of writers don't notice mistakes when they make them.

There should be a period after said, and after minute instead of a comma. A comma is only used when the sentence is continued, as so:

"Danny's picking me up tomorrow at eight," Daisy stated."

A lot of your sentences, I noticed, need periods at the end of them.

"Thanks I guess I really did end up falling asleep," I said getting up

The dialogue is too much of a run-on, with the fact that it seems just a tad bit unrealistic. It might just be me that thinks this.

Your contractions are missing apostrophes and your sentences are lacking other proper punctuation. I suggest you look into getting a beta, or proof-reader.

I hope this didn't come off as mean, I was just trying to help you become a better writer. I'm subscribing to this to see how you improve in the future. I wish you the best of luck with this story, because it has an adorable plot line, and 1D is just to die for.

Okay, I really like the idea of another curly-headed Styles boy. More than I probably should, actually. I'm just, already in love with it if I'm honest.

My only issue with it is can you please finish your sentences? "Morning Mum, Dad" I said giving them both a quick kiss on the cheek just a '.' on the end would make me so much happier.

And you know, like onlythegooddieyoung said, "Oh, and if ya want to include me the story, I wouldn't be opposed." :)

I'm gonna read this in a second - I just need to say that the picture in the layout is messing with my head.

This is really good so far!
I can't wait to read more c:
Update soon!

...Oh, lord. What is wrong with Edward, that Zayn's all like, "Ew, don't let him sit with us"? That's so sad. Hahaha. POOR KID.

But I thought it was sweet how Maureen honored the commitment she made to Edward, even after the other boys showed their dislike for the boy.

Anyway, I like the way this is going so far. I still totally love the idea of giving Harry a twin. Hahaha. And I love how the pictures are edited to give "Edward" his glasses.

I can't wait to read the next update! Oh, and if ya want to include me the story, I wouldn't be opposed. ;) Heh heh.

Good one! Update soon!

Love this already!
I hope you update soon (: