Perfectly Entwined - Comments

  • bona drag.

    bona drag. (935)

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    Gender:
    Age:
    29
    Location:
    Ireland
    I did like this. I more than liked it. I absolutely loved it. It was sweet and romantic and I really liked it being from Niall's point of view. It's not often that it's the guy in this position, too nervous to make a move, being the first to confess his love for the girl, and especially wondering if he was just another one night stand to her. That was different.

    I really liked Lucy's character. There's a certain quality to her that just makes her feel like a breath of fresh air. The line about her head being a messed up place was wonderful and I adored that she initially responded I know when he said he loved her. She's got a very casual feel to her that I really enjoyed reading. I also liked the effortless feeling to their relationship and how Lucy just naturally knocked down Niall's walls without trying so it seems.

    My only criticism is, like the previous commenter mentioned, that the first paragraph is present tense and then is switches to past for the rest of the story. I'd suggest just switching the first paragraph to past so it's all uniform.

    Overall, it was just super cute and lovely to read.
    June 20th, 2013 at 11:10am
  • swell

    swell (150)

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    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    Australia
    This story was beautiful. I loved the connection to the song and how it was weaved throughout the story. I loved that Niall was the narrator in this and that he was the one questioning their relationship as opposed to the other way around, which I feel like is usually the more frequent one. Besides the swapping of tenses in the beginning, I thought this was well written and very lovely. Thanks for entering!
    January 8th, 2013 at 01:04pm