The banner image drew me in because it's lyrics from the Smiths' How Soon Is Now? I know you probably didn't mean for that connection, the image was just suiting, but knowing the song just enhanced the story for me. It kind of goes.
I don't know about the French chapter title, mainly because I don't know whether you mean broken or shattered by it. Briser pretty much only gets used when you're talking about something physically shattering while casser can be to break in a less literal form. I feel like it should be broken and therefore casser.
I think you did a great job capturing the confusing emotions that come along with being a teenager. The angst, the sadness, the irritability and loneliness. All of it was just very well described. Also, I liked the contrast of what television shows these years to be like versus what they actually are like for the majority of people.
One thing I don't like is how the story feels kind of like a rant about the media glorification of being a teenager and the unrealistic portrayals of it more than a story. The girl's dialogue just didn't feel natural because it felt too thought out and not like something you would just say off the top of your head. It's way too self-aware and the line about being fragile, suicidal creatures sounds too poetic to be spoken.
The last line was very nice though. I found it a bit amusing. I think this is a nicely written one-shot. You have a great style. What you wrote is awesome, it just feels more like it should be narration than dialogue though. Overall, I liked the story content and the way you worded everything.
I don't know about the French chapter title, mainly because I don't know whether you mean broken or shattered by it. Briser pretty much only gets used when you're talking about something physically shattering while casser can be to break in a less literal form. I feel like it should be broken and therefore casser.
I think you did a great job capturing the confusing emotions that come along with being a teenager. The angst, the sadness, the irritability and loneliness. All of it was just very well described. Also, I liked the contrast of what television shows these years to be like versus what they actually are like for the majority of people.
One thing I don't like is how the story feels kind of like a rant about the media glorification of being a teenager and the unrealistic portrayals of it more than a story. The girl's dialogue just didn't feel natural because it felt too thought out and not like something you would just say off the top of your head. It's way too self-aware and the line about being fragile, suicidal creatures sounds too poetic to be spoken.
The last line was very nice though. I found it a bit amusing. I think this is a nicely written one-shot. You have a great style. What you wrote is awesome, it just feels more like it should be narration than dialogue though. Overall, I liked the story content and the way you worded everything.