The Nameless Army - Comments

  • Chelsea's Dead Smile

    Chelsea's Dead Smile (100)

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    %*%Comment Swap%*%

    I have actually heard of this show before just can't remember what it's called, but it has Billy Burke in it right? Since I'm on my IPhone, I can't see layout's which suck majorly, but the characters seem like they are all on the same wave length. Maybe you can kind of break that up to show the diversity of the characters that way they don't seem they are all agreeing or all disagreeing about a decision. Get some arguments in there.
    March 20th, 2013 at 03:48pm
  • dream'n.reality.

    dream'n.reality. (100)

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    The Layout's picture is a bit pixy. Not sure if that's even a word, but I hope you get what I mean. This story is very enjoyable, but maybe some characters should differ more. Such as, intellectually they all seem the same. With the dialogue it's okay to type it wrong if it's the way a character may speak. I only say this because it's good in a story to have diverse characters. Hopefully this isn't coming off harsh. Love the story btw. <3
    December 21st, 2012 at 04:48am
  • huang zitao

    huang zitao (100)

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    So far, very nice! I like the layout. It's not too distracting and fits the story perfectly. Also, the summary was very detailed.

    The first chapter was also very brilliant. The imagery and description is good and vivid, nothing seems too out of place. The character voice is great and distinct as well. The relationships all the characters have are just fabulous. I also just love the way each character is developed with a certain personality with different and unique traits.

    Great job on this! I am glad the swap brought me here! ^^
    December 15th, 2012 at 02:04am
  • Isadora Pierce

    Isadora Pierce (125)

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    This is really interesting. You don't find much on this site that isn't a romance right off the bat. I've never seen the show so I have no idea what's going on besides what I've already read. You had pretty good detail in the beginning but there wasn't very much about the characters in general. I think you might need a tad bit more background info before chapter one? Just a thought.

    I really liked how you focused on the cat for a majority of the chapter and used finding it's body to lead you onto meeting those kids. That's an essential part of being a successful writer, being able to link situations together and what not. Great job. Keep it up!
    November 25th, 2012 at 12:01am
  • lithe.

    lithe. (100)

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    *comment swap*

    So I really like this idea of the U.S. army falling because it is something no one would ever think of. I like the idea of this apocalyptic world. I think you should give a bit more detail though about each of the characters though. Let them develop. I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors. I liked the last sentence in the first chapter "Damn cat". That made me chuckle.

    Anyway good look on your story! Mind checking out mine?
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:33pm
  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

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    So I'd never heard of this show before reading this story. In a way this is like an original fiction to me. That being said, I really enjoyed this. The first sentence grabbed my attention and captivated me, because it's just that amazing. You didn't start this story out like most do.
    The end sentence was really great as well and actually made me laugh a little.
    You gave very good characterization of Eli and I really got to know who he was in just the first chapter.
    I liked the layout. It's not too showy and doesn't take away from the actual story.
    November 24th, 2012 at 02:41am