War on the Wind - (Closed) - Comments

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Love it1

I love it, great concept!

@ cocoa4ever
Thank you for continuing reading :)
Unfortunately, the story will be on hiatus (I believe that's what they call it) for a while, as a fell far behind on writing during the busy christmas and new year period. I'm glad you've been enjoying it though, and hope you will continue to read once it resumes.

The last chapter was awesome. Keep updating :)

@ samevans1100
Thank you for that lovely comment :)
I'm hoping that the quality continues throughout the chapters, as once you feel you've had a good start, many times you end up falling below that level, or are simply so focused on not falling below, that you add too much things that end up being the cause of the downfall. Hopefully though, this is not the case for my story. I would like to be told though if you feel the quality has dropped any.

Thank you for your time and comment :)

I must admit this story definitely exceeded my expectations. I love your writing style and the words you use really set a mood. I liked the way you introduced the characters, because it didn't feel forced, if that makes sense. Also, I'm not an easy person to freak out but your description of the dead Volucris in the first chapter made me shiver. It was amazingly graphic and I enjoyed your attention to really small details. It makes it much easier to actually understand and picture what's happening. Often it's really hard to be descriptive enough without it becoming a bit dull, but you did an awesome job. I am definitely going to subscribe and read this later. I can tell how much effort you have put into each line, so I hope you keep up the great work!

I'm not sure how much time I actually have considering i'm at the library and my uncle brought me here but I gaurantee when i get home, I will read this properly but I can tell you that despite my quick skim through. I am loving this chapter. You have such a strong start to what is going to be a wonderful story. I will reread this first chapter later. I promise. :)

It's not really my type of story but I gave it a read through, I thought you have very good spelling and grammar, and you also used a wide range of vocabulary, it is very well written. I also felt it was an interesting plot line and the main character had varying depths that made him feel real.

@ spacejunkie
@ indigo adam.
@ TaraJanee
@ cocoa4ever
@ Bonkers.
@ TARDISblue

Just saying a quick thank you to all of you for taking the time to leave some feedback. I'm glad you all enjoyed what's up so far. Thanks again, and enjoy your day

(Comment Swap)

This is a really interesting story, and I'm usually not a fan of war stories. Your writing style has a good flow and very good detail which some writers don't usually have. I loved the fact you also included women in the war squads, it makes it so much better and shows the real potential.

It's rare for me to find a war story that I actually enjoy. Normally because people tend to use certain words which makes the story seem too cheesy and unprofessional, I don't honestly know how to explain it. However, this was a really good story. The words flowed together and I was able to see the images in my head, like with the fallen wall. "wind now whipping his tangle of auburn hair around, drying his previously sweat glistening forehead" is perfect example of what I mean.

Another thing that I love, is that you included women in the squads. I know, silly, but it seems so often that people leave women completely out of the battle field, which to me, makes it more unrealistic. So, having women soldiers just made it all the better.

This is random, but I have this music playing in the background... which makes the Venator segment seem all that more thrilling.

@ NathanWatt
Just because it mainly involved introducing the squad members but most first chapters are fairly slow as you need to introduce people and the setting etc. It's no big deal really and it certainly wasn't boring. :)

@ cocoa4ever
Thank you for your comment cocoa4ever. I'm glad you enjoyed it and are subscribing. It's nice to hear good things from a writer who I've personally been able to judge myself too. From your work I believe you have a lot of talent, so it really does make me happy that you also enjoyed my own piece.

Oh, I thought just for future sake, it would be a good thing to ask why you think you found the first chapter a bit slow?

First off; my keyboard is set in French and I can’t find the comma key so whenever I put ; I mean to put a comma. Sorry about that. I like war type stories and this one; from what I've read so far is really good. I personally found the first chapter a bit slow; but your descriptions are so detailed that you can almost picture it; so it’s definitely not boring. I love the sentence ‘On the ground, decapitated, bite ridden, in a pool of drying blood and flecks of remaining innards, was the body.’ :) The second chapter is awesome; your descriptions are again amazing and you describe the venator really well. There isn't much I can criticise you on apart from you could vary your punctuation a bit more. Overall I enjoyed reading this and I’ll be subscribing :)

This is perfectly genuine. I'm terrible at writing this type of genre, but your action content is written so well. The words you use place perfect imagery in my head and you give mature, thorough descriptions. It almost reminds me of a Matthew Reilly novel, which trust me, is a massive compliment. But I can honestly see this becoming a published book!

I'm looking forward to your inclusion of other squad members, as well as seeing them grow and them having special identities. Stories like these always seem to have awesome and unique characters which I love.

The only possible con I could think of is the layout image. When I clicked on the picture I was a little skeptical in what the story would be about, but the content did indeed prove me wrong!

Keep up the good work!

@ NathanWatt
I'm subscribed, so I'll read your second when it comes out.

@ indigo adam.
@ spacejunkie

Thank you both for the comments. I'm glad you both found it interesting. Thank you for the tips on how to get it out to more readers. I appreciate it, and will of course, follow the advice. It would be nice to have several Mibba members, as well as others who may visit the site, read the story. I hope that you will be eagerly awaiting the Second Chapter? :D

It's a pretty good story, even though I'm not a huge fan of this genre. You might get some more readers if you promote this out in the blogs, and by using Comment Swap - even if that feature's been down lately. It's a good story, with great potential. Your writing style makes it seem like I'm actually on the battlefield myself.

This is actually very well written. Your imagery and prose in particular is good- 'went from one ruin to another' is a great line, as is 'the possessions they held stolen by scavengers'. I can see that planning that went into the first chapter, and wish you all the best with your plan for weekly releases. You could definitely be a fantasy/war writer.