I’m here to judge for the ‘A Heart Break Is Different Each Time Writing Contest’.
I did appreciate that you picked the long time best friends category because whilst it can be cliché to some, it’s also relatable for a lot of people – which makes it a classic and enjoyable story to read. I, personally, like to be able to connect with the narrator, especially through emotions or a situation that I’ve been in at some point in my life. So the way you chose to execute this was nice, even despite the heartbreak that it ended with.
However, there were a couple of things that I wanted to address that I believe could really improve this piece.
I think this could have been longer a few reasons because whilst I did get the hint with Cass, I didn’t feel like there was any good reason for her feelings towards both Ethan and Kaitlin. Although the “character in love with their best friend” trope can easily be a classic and enjoyable way to go, there’s always a reason for someone to develop feelings of any kind towards something. I feel like you could have written about why Cass was in love with Ethan—something that didn’t even really have any elaboration until I started picking up on her hints. And then, regarding to Kaitlin, I don’t feel like Cass had a good reason for hating her. What does Cass consider a “bad personality”? Why don’t they get along? You mentioned fights, but not what they were about. It felt like Cass just disliked Kaitlin because she was Ethan’s girlfriend and that was it. It felt like a petty dislike because you didn’t give me any explanations. I finished it and I had no idea why Cass was so against Kaitlin, other than she thought she had a “bad personality” – which can be subjective in this situation, really.
There was also no closure? Where I can appreciate the emphasis on how Cass feels like falling in love with Ethan was a huge mistake, I don’t feel like there was any closure whatsoever. You wrote it as a one-shot, but I feel like there was still too much to cover for it to just end there. Is Cass cutting ties with Ethan because her feelings are too intense for her to keep pretending now or because she confessed when she knew it was hopeless? Is Ethan going to call her and try to mend things between them since they have such a history together? There was just so many unanswered questions. I know the premise of the contest was to write about heartbreak—which you did fantastically—but I feel like you could have kept that pain and still given a more completed ending.
As for technicality things, the paragraphs should have been double spaced so it wasn’t a big block of text. It made it hard to read. There were a few typos that made it read funny, as well. Like, for example: He face fumed red, fist clenching in a tight ball. I understood what you were going for, obviously, but it puts a stumble in your prose. There was also a point where you accidentally switched tenses: I said with a laugh, he doesn’t laugh with me. The first part is written in past tense and then the second part is written in present. This was the only time that this happened so it stuck out like a sore thumb.
All in all, though I think there are some things that could really make this one-shot soar, I thought it was really good. It was consistent, there were emotions and I did appreciate the depth of their argument and Cass’ feelings towards feeling betrayed by her supposed best friend all the time. It was a good story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job!
I did appreciate that you picked the long time best friends category because whilst it can be cliché to some, it’s also relatable for a lot of people – which makes it a classic and enjoyable story to read. I, personally, like to be able to connect with the narrator, especially through emotions or a situation that I’ve been in at some point in my life. So the way you chose to execute this was nice, even despite the heartbreak that it ended with.
However, there were a couple of things that I wanted to address that I believe could really improve this piece.
I think this could have been longer a few reasons because whilst I did get the hint with Cass, I didn’t feel like there was any good reason for her feelings towards both Ethan and Kaitlin. Although the “character in love with their best friend” trope can easily be a classic and enjoyable way to go, there’s always a reason for someone to develop feelings of any kind towards something. I feel like you could have written about why Cass was in love with Ethan—something that didn’t even really have any elaboration until I started picking up on her hints. And then, regarding to Kaitlin, I don’t feel like Cass had a good reason for hating her. What does Cass consider a “bad personality”? Why don’t they get along? You mentioned fights, but not what they were about. It felt like Cass just disliked Kaitlin because she was Ethan’s girlfriend and that was it. It felt like a petty dislike because you didn’t give me any explanations. I finished it and I had no idea why Cass was so against Kaitlin, other than she thought she had a “bad personality” – which can be subjective in this situation, really.
There was also no closure? Where I can appreciate the emphasis on how Cass feels like falling in love with Ethan was a huge mistake, I don’t feel like there was any closure whatsoever. You wrote it as a one-shot, but I feel like there was still too much to cover for it to just end there. Is Cass cutting ties with Ethan because her feelings are too intense for her to keep pretending now or because she confessed when she knew it was hopeless? Is Ethan going to call her and try to mend things between them since they have such a history together? There was just so many unanswered questions. I know the premise of the contest was to write about heartbreak—which you did fantastically—but I feel like you could have kept that pain and still given a more completed ending.
As for technicality things, the paragraphs should have been double spaced so it wasn’t a big block of text. It made it hard to read. There were a few typos that made it read funny, as well. Like, for example: He face fumed red, fist clenching in a tight ball. I understood what you were going for, obviously, but it puts a stumble in your prose. There was also a point where you accidentally switched tenses: I said with a laugh, he doesn’t laugh with me. The first part is written in past tense and then the second part is written in present. This was the only time that this happened so it stuck out like a sore thumb.
All in all, though I think there are some things that could really make this one-shot soar, I thought it was really good. It was consistent, there were emotions and I did appreciate the depth of their argument and Cass’ feelings towards feeling betrayed by her supposed best friend all the time. It was a good story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job!