Crystal Patterns - Comments

  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15250)

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    I'm here judging the entries for the Winter Wonderland contest! Cute

    Content

    I love how strong Natalia is, especially with everything that she is going through. It's difficult to have a family member with cancer and still remain fairly positive, so I like that she stays as positive as possible. I also like that you make this realistic by mentioning that she does worry about it sometimes as well, because it does make every one of her emotions feel real and justified. It's nice to read a character with that sort of realism and relatability throughout.

    I love how you have the snow and the ice literally coming alive to point Natalia to Jack Frost as well. It's such a clever and interesting way of including him straight from the beginning, but doing it so subtly that the reader really enjoys the little injections of him throughout. And when we finally meet him, he's charming and lovely and the mix of the two fairytales is absolutely amazing and wonderfully executed. I really enjoyed the last chapter especially, the last lines in particular were very sweet and definitely seemed final, but had this open-ended air to them as well. It works really well as an ending, definitely.

    Concrit

    Didn't see much, but here's what I did see (mainly typos, I think):

    she billowed from her bed - I think billowed should be bellowed, if you're talking about someone yelling.

    and does various turns and twists - to keep in with the tense, does should be did.

    wrapping herself in her rob tighter - rob should be robe

    Overall

    A few minor errors here and there, but nothing major. Your story is a really interesting twist of the fairytales mentioned and you've pulled the writing off wonderfully. Good job!
    July 7th, 2014 at 05:00pm
  • KICKASSKK

    KICKASSKK (100)

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    please update! i love it!
    May 13th, 2013 at 07:01am
  • mrsbellaray

    mrsbellaray (100)

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    omg!! this story is so original and so perfect!!! please update soon!
    April 22nd, 2013 at 12:01am
  • mrsbellaray

    mrsbellaray (100)

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    omg!! this story is so original and so perfect!!! please update soon!
    April 22nd, 2013 at 12:01am
  • inactivebob

    inactivebob (100)

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    I love this.. I can't wait to see where you take this!! :) Can't wait for an update.. :) Soon?
    February 12th, 2013 at 06:34am
  • Foxface

    Foxface (100)

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    I just can't get enough of this story! I'm anxious to see where you take it! I love Natalia and her stubbornness! I can't wait to see how you write Jack Frost, as he's really one of my favorite mythical figures. I do hope you're feeling better, and I can't wait for the next update!
    January 21st, 2013 at 04:22pm
  • BrokenWords

    BrokenWords (100)

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    This is exciting. I can't wait to read more!!
    January 20th, 2013 at 07:56am
  • peach kitten

    peach kitten (165)

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    I loved meeting Jack Frost! This update was so exciting to read. Haha, now I want another ;)
    January 19th, 2013 at 05:11pm
  • easy company.

    easy company. (250)

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    Oh my. Your summary is just beautiful. It doesn't give away too much, but provides just enough that makes me curious. The little tell you include about the Russian Snow Maiden is grand. I quite liked that bit. And this story as a whole was very pretty.

    I liked that you kept her grounded in her ways of logic and not wanting to believe anything that ventured away from that; it made the whole seem more real. The tale of her sick mother was rather sad, however.

    It was well written, this piece was, and the idea was original that I'm jealous. Great job!
    December 17th, 2012 at 02:04am
  • peach kitten

    peach kitten (165)

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    There is something I just love about this that I can't find the words to say it, but believe me it is good. :) I like where this is going, keep up the good work.
    December 17th, 2012 at 12:22am
  • AhoyySailorr

    AhoyySailorr (100)

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    I love this.
    December 16th, 2012 at 10:56pm