When the Moon Rises - Comments

I'm so excited that you updated :) It's a good thing I stayed subscribed for a year almost! This story is amazing, please update.

That was a very cute update!

(Valentine's Day Giveaway Comment)

I liked this so far. The title is unique and the summary is good. I love the layout but wish the text was a bit easier to read. (Color wise)

I like the thought of the werewolves not having 100% control over their wolf form and how they imprint on people. I'm looking forward to reading a chapter about Matt when it is a full moon.

The characters are relatable but I find it a bit hard to believe that Evie just let Matt into her life so quickly. I know that they are soul mates and everything, but she just let a complete stranger into her life. I like how they got to know each other more and more throughout the chapters, but still.

And what is Will's issue? I thought that cheating men tried to hide it, but I guess not. I'm glad he is out of the picture but what happened to him? Did Matt kill him or did Will just run away?

The last 2 chapters were adorably sweet though. I loved how he was looking for an engagement ring and then proposed. It was very sweet and I'm so glad she said yes!

I liked reading this story and look forward to reading more!

So I've only read the first chapter and in all honesty it seems so abrupt. There's no real flow to it and it's all just statement after statement. Your descriptions are just stating facts and not truly describing anything which I think would help a lot with the flow of the story.

There's some awkward repetitive phrasing throughout the first chapter such as When the song finishes, he stops to pick up his bottle of water, taking a mouthful of water to replenish his thirst. The repetition of 'water' makes this sentence flow weird. Perhaps changing the second water to 'liquid'? or something similar.

Matt's eyes turn his eyes rested momentarily on Simon, one of the two guitarists. I'm assuming the 'turn his eyes' wasn't meant to be there?

The only other issue is I don't really get a sense of what this story is about for the first chapter and normally that's key to the beginning piece of a story. The first chapter is supposed to open doors of possibilities to what we're about to be reading and so far all we know is these guys are in a band they all dress like punks and oh by the way they also happen to be werewolves.

Just some things to look at. :)

Merry Mibbamas! :D This is the first story I chose.

First off, the background is lovely! Very dark and mysterious :)

The summary was a bit ehhhh. The title pulled me in more than the summary. The summary makes the story seem a bit too cliché and like every other story out there.

Onto the chapters. I like how the first is more of an introduction than part of the story. What I mean is, you used it to introduce the band and all that (I actually had a point to this but now my train of thought is dwindling). I like the werewolf idea. Everything I see is mostly vampires so this is like a breath of fresh air! I also like the different point of views. Gives more insight to the story.

I have two suggestions. Maybe add some more detail to certain parts. The story does seem a little fast-paced. The other is to proofread some more. There are minor grammar mistakes here and there.

Overall, great story :)

@ XXXataktoulaXXX
I really suck at summaries but I'll try my best and I'll go through the chapters and get help, thank you :)

Let's start with the layout. It's simple and dreemy-like, thus it fits the story quite nicely.

There must be a reason for that type of title for the story and it makes me escited that I'll find out why you named it like this. Brownie points for that.

The summary needs to be changed. It's not interesting or mysterious, and what you want with the summary here is to capture the readers' interest.

On to the chapters, some of them flow nicely and some don't. I'd suggest getting someone to proof-read your work and engage some of your sentences because they are short.

I have to congratulate you for your ideas though.

double post >_>

@ violet veins
This is probably the most help comment I've ever gotten on any of my stories, thank you, I'll be going through and having another look at the summary and the title of my story and improve it so it can b even better

So you asked me to comment on anything in your signature, but I'm going to go the extra mile and comment on everything in your signature. For now, I'm reading the first chapter of each and comment on it thoroughly, and then when I've got more free time I'll go back and comb through the later chapters more with a lighter review.

Okay, so for starters, I'd like to comment on your layout, title, and summary. The layout, I absolutely adore. It's easy to read but the background image gives you a nice feel for the story and is very nice looking. As for your title, it's fitting, but I don't really feel like the reader is going to have that moment at the end of the story where they just realize what the title really means. I would advise you come up with something deeper, but that's just my opinion. As for your summary, I feel that it's lacking as well. It doesn't really flow well, in my opinion, and it's a bit overused. Rhetorical questions and the other such elements that you use are pretty expected, and I just feel like it would be much better if you wrote a different summary. It really doesn't do justice to your piece.

Now as for your actual writing. I don't know why, but I don't particularly like your opening sentence. I feel that the word 'guy' would sound so much better if you used a synonym. It sounds too casual, I think. I do enjoy the first paragraph as a whole, because it's nice and hooks you in despite the everyday life sort of feel to it.

I also feel like you may want to vary your sentence structure a bit more. You have a lot of short sentences, and I think if you varied it more it would flow much better. Another thing is that I dislike how you throw the character's looks and descriptions on the reader all at once. Their habits and personalities are fine, but trying to remember every detail about a character's looks is hard unless the details are given to you slowly.

Not much to say other than that. I'll be looking at the other chapters later in the week.

I love the idea behind this. A drummer in a band who happens to be a werewolf along with his other band werewolf friends? Awesome! And aren't werewolves all buff in human for anyway, as are drummers? Yum.

Your description throughout your chapters is really good and solid, simple but explains everything that the reader needs to conjure up the perfect picture in their heads. Again, you've created a really strong main character and I commend you for that. The way that Matt describes seeing Evie for the first (and second, ha) time is really lovely. Also, the band name is pretty amazing. It kind of connotes the fact that these boy all have to go through a vicious cycle of sorts each month due to their bing werewolves and I really like that you've managed to mirror it in the band name. It's a small thing, but it adds a lot into the story.

Again, the only concrit I can offer is the same as I put on the last story I commented on. Watch the line spacing between your dialogue (every piece of dialogue should have a new line) and keep an eye on the punctuation at the end of the dialogue. The only other new thing I noticed was the way you capitalise the word after dialogue. It's difficult to explain, but you should always have it in lowercase. For example, “Hey cutie, where ya going?” He slurred drunkenly should be “Hey cutie, where ya going?” he slurred drunkenly.

Again, interesting plotline (I don't usually go for romance but this is pretty cute at times), unique characters and a lovely-looking story. Good work!

@ Tomb Raider.
Omg, I can't believe I never got back to you! Thank you so much, this was my first attempt at writing cute fluffy goodness :3

@ Grump Bunny
I just died of happiness! Thank you! You have just made my day

I really like the idea of a wolf pack band, mainly because I have a slight obsession with werewolves, they are so awesome. The layout is very lovely and ties in with the story very well. The summary is short and sweet, which is awesome when you want to draw in readers. The first chapter is also really good. It read very smoothly, which is one thing that I love and could probably go on about for ages. I like the name of the band, it seems really interesting, The Vicious Cycle. Keep up the good work. :3

This is a sweet story! :)
The writing is nice and flows well and I'm very interested to see where this will go! This plot really has potential and you're doing great so far!
It's really cute! Really great job on this story! :D

@ fallen__girl @ Loving Wolf Girl

Ngaw you guys I'll get the next chapter up as soon as possible, hopefully within the next few days, sorry for taking so long to update

Awwwwwww. That was so sweet! I loved the proposal and her reaction to it. It was so adorable. I really love this story and hope to read more soon.

Gosh its sooo cute! I love it as always :)

@ Phil's Baby Hina
Ahh! thank you I never saw that but I'll fix it as soon as possible

I have to admit, this is a really good start! I liked how descriptive you were of Matt's emotions. They were really strong. Of course the only thing I found wrong was the spaces between two paragraphs.

The singer; Derek, was his closest friend. Derek was smaller the Matt himself but still muscular. His green eyes glowed with excitement and nervousness and his blonde hair was sleeked back in its usual style.
Eric was the bassist and he also happened to be the smallest out of the group. He had blue eyes and light brown hair.
Simon was one of the two guitarists, he had a bad habit of smoking when he was stressed out and he had long black hair and hazel eyes that were almost always hidden behind shades.
Lastly Roy, he was a major show-off. He was cocky and at most times a pain in the ass to deal with but he was pretty good and he was okay when you got to know him.
^^I know people often forget the spaces or line breaks between the paragraphs, but this didn't disrupt from the story overall. I tend to notice stuff like this.

Anywho, I'm off to read the next chapter! I loved this chapter! Good job. :D

@ scarletdragon
Thanks Jess, four more chapters to go and it'll be complete I think

@ fallen__girl
Thank, this story has been so great to write but it's time for it to come to a close I think