Thank you so much for the entry! You used all the words and used them all correctly, and I couldn't find any noticeable major spelling or grammar mistakes. The story was very atmospheric, and you really described the cave and the emotions in the right way for the reader to actually feel terrified or enclosed. I also liked how rather than a simple happy ending with the boy coming and saving her, there was the realistic moment when she realised she really was alone.
Three points of improvement: 1. Not really about the story, but the brown transparent background wasn't the easiest to read from when I was reading over quite a few times. Well, it's easy to read but just a bit annoying on the eyes after a while. Maybe a lighter colour?
2. The character was really well written, and I liked the way her brain often ran off with itself onto different thoughts that would inevitably happen when trapped in the same place for a long time. But I just felt she was a little too... Sane? I don't know the right word to use, but I felt after two months with no sunlight in a boat she might be having more difficulty thinking like a normal human being. That was something I just kept thinking of when she was talking to the reader.
3. The paragraph starting 'I can't move anymore' has lots of very short sentences in a big row. I couldn't work out whether that was a conscious decision to actually make her seem less sane or whether it just happened by accident. It's quite a lot of that form of sentence in a row so it can look strange when trying to read through it though.
Thanks for the entry again and it's great to have a story with such careful description and changes in emotion. It was really quite heartbreaking to think that she just wanted to go on an adventure, to see a better place, and that led to her death.
Three points of improvement:
1. Not really about the story, but the brown transparent background wasn't the easiest to read from when I was reading over quite a few times. Well, it's easy to read but just a bit annoying on the eyes after a while. Maybe a lighter colour?
2. The character was really well written, and I liked the way her brain often ran off with itself onto different thoughts that would inevitably happen when trapped in the same place for a long time. But I just felt she was a little too... Sane? I don't know the right word to use, but I felt after two months with no sunlight in a boat she might be having more difficulty thinking like a normal human being. That was something I just kept thinking of when she was talking to the reader.
3. The paragraph starting 'I can't move anymore' has lots of very short sentences in a big row. I couldn't work out whether that was a conscious decision to actually make her seem less sane or whether it just happened by accident. It's quite a lot of that form of sentence in a row so it can look strange when trying to read through it though.
Thanks for the entry again and it's great to have a story with such careful description and changes in emotion. It was really quite heartbreaking to think that she just wanted to go on an adventure, to see a better place, and that led to her death.
On that happy note, well done!