Escape - Comments

I'm here judging the entries for the Winter Wonderland contest!

Content

I love how realistic the beginning of this is. I hate waiting on trains in the winter because of how cold the stations often are (or at least how cold Glasgow Central station is - I've never been to Lincoln station, but I'm assuming it's the same sort of setup), so I think that's a nice touch to the beginning. It instantly drew me in and instantly made the story seem all that more real to me.

The train wasn’t too busy, so I had two seats to myself and didn’t have the awkwardness of sitting next to some random stranger - this might seem silly, but this line made the whole story for me. Again, it just gives the narrator this edge of realism and it makes me relate to them. Something as silly and simple as that really builds up little things about your character and it's really lovely to see that you have these little anecdotes hidden throughout.

The ending for this is so sweet, though. I'm glad that everything kind-of worked out for Jake in the end because I was worried when Teddy told him to leave. Being in an unfamiliar city with nowhere to go is probably one of the worst feelings, so I'm really happy that everything ended with a positive.

Concrit

I did notice one or two things that I've detailed below:

the freezing air come rushing back - come should be came.

My mind automatically rewound to what had happened in the last few hours. “Get the fuck out of my house!” I quickly snapped myself out of the memory, not wanting to get emotional in the middle of a train. - in the middle should be on the middle and the formatting of this is a little off. If it's a memory, you'd be best to pop some space between the description paragraphs and the line of dialogue, like this:

My mind automatically rewound to what had happened in the last few hours.

“Get the fuck out of my house!”

I quickly snapped myself out of the memory, not wanting to get emotional in the middle of a train.

It just makes it tidier and easier to read the memory as a memory. I initially thought someone was talking to the narrator on the train and got a little confused. Similarly, a little further down, you've got the dialogue bunched up with the description paragraphs. You should always ensure you pop a blank line in between every new line of dialogue.

Overall

Aside from the formatting errors with the dialogue, I couldn't see much else that detracted from the lovely storyline you have going on here! It'd be nice to see more of what happens to these two afterwards but as a one-shot, this works out lovely and it incorporates the photograph in question so simply. Good job!

This is beautiful :)
And actually I love the ending. It's quite perfect.

Also I forgot to say I loved the layout :3

Baby boy :,)
Every time I read that nickname my heart gets warm.
This was so Incredibly sad and sweet all at the same time.
I have expected his mom to catch them together, but I'm glad she didn't. It feels more realistic, still being a secret.
I loved it as usual (: