Flesh Game - Comments

OMG! I love this! The beginning of the story drew me in but then your descriptions of everything kept me reading. Your title was what drew me in at first. Flesh Game. That name is very eerie and suggests so much pain and suffering. You can go far with this story! Keep on writing what you love because I can tell you loved writing this! I felt your heart in the words and your soul as well! I'm recommending this and subscribing! I'm not a silent reader and I never will be, especially if the story is as good as this one! :)

Join the Masquerade already commented on what I was to type. Well then, on with the positives!

I'm a sucker for slow starts (odd, but I like the build-up). Chapters are very short, but straight to the point. I can't quite pinpoint what I enjoy about this. Maybe because it's sweet, short, and to the point? Maybe. Your story gives off an aura (call me weird, but it does) that contrasts with your layout. Something fascinating it is to me. Frankly, I'm enjoying this very much.

There aren't many well-written cannibal fictions (whether they're zombies or whatnot) on this site. But if you fix the minor mistakes, this is to be one hell of a story that I will probably read more than once.

What can I say? If I like it, love it, I'll read it until I know it by heart.

Thanks for comment swapping :)

Chapter One

"I killed a lot of "'hers.'" He said. "Which one are you referring to?"
There's an apostrophe before 'hers' that shouldn't be there. Also, 'he said' is not a complete sentence by itself, so 'he' should not be capitalised.
It should read as:
"I killed a lot of 'hers', he said. "Which one are you referring to?"

Chapter Two

A curse I met while it was still a blessing.
This is a sentence fragment.

When I say he had girls hanging around him like drapes, I mean it.
Hahaha, that's a nice simile.

eighth periods' door
I hate grammar with things like this, but I think it should be 'eighth period's door' because eighth period is singular.

...more annoying than nails on a chalk bored.
*board.

The teacher hadn't arrived yet I figured, because if they were everyone would be in their according seats.
*because if they had everyone

She cleared her throat, tucked a loose strand of brown hair behind her pointy ear.
*and tucked a

"Hello, class." She started, "I am Mrs. Leiko, your math 3 instructor."
*class," she started, "I am

You haven't given too much of the story in the second chapter, which I guess is technically the start - this is good. I like that we know more, and yet your character's actions don't show it. I hate reading where the main character is narrating from a place where they know a lot more, but at a time that they wouldn't have known much at all yet they act like they do.
I like your layout :)

Wow. Just wow. You know I love stories like this. I don't know HOW I ever missed your works, but this one is pretty spectacular. I love the beginning, the way you dove into the plot.
"I killed alot of 'hers'." Oh my God, I LOVE that. <3
I'm gonna follow this. ^^

I am actually surprised at how much I like this. I can't say I'm thrilled with the layout, but in my opinion, that's pretty insignificant.

The prologue/first chapter was very intriguing. It creates the perfect amount of dark suspense. The second chapter was good, too. The flow is not perfect, but it's not by any means bad. I really enjoyed the little bit of irony/foreshadowing at the end.

Off the bat, I like the summary, even though the whole left- right line up isn't that much attractive within itself fully, but it's still nice.

As for the first chapter itself, it's very short. Yet to the point that the reader does not want to continue in reading the story onwards. I really liked the little atmosphere you've built for the story, and I would love to see where it goes.

I love the sound of this so far, as short as it is, I'm really interested to see where it'll go.