The Vow - Comments

Hi there! I'm the new judge for the To Be Loved Contest and here's me, judging your piece

I like your title - it's short and to the point. I tend to only go for titles like these as a reader, so good on you.

Thank you so much for having decent sized text!!! Small fonts are overrated. I also really love the colours of your layout. They're very complementary and do go with the whole wedding theme (though you already know that.)

At first I was a little apprehensive seeing the length of your summary, however, it's gripping and makes me want to read more. I do think you could shorten the latter part though. Leaving it at
"I have to write my vows." I breathed. could be even more effective.

Just a couple of grammar things before I get into the actual story - you do need to proof-read again. There are just a couple of mistakes like "finding it's place on my face" should be its. And decleration should be declaration. Little things.

For your dialogue, you should end each section with a comma instead of a period when followed by something like "he said." So

"I am so fucked Jim." I murmured.
Should be
"I am so fucked, Jim," I murmured.
Following a question mark/apostrophe, the "he exclaimed" or whatever shouldn't be capitalized either. It'll just be "Are you sure?" he asked, smirking.

The actual story is adorable. I laughed quite a few times (especially the sex tape line) and it really made me miss Jimmy. I think you got his personality down quite well.

Getting married drunk, oh wow. That was brilliant actually. I've never read a wedding quite like that.

And the vows? Turned out to be completely adorable and perfect.

A well-written feel-good piece that left me smiling. Great job and good luck in the contest!

I just love this and had to laugh at Jimmy getting her drunk and then deciding to just wing it with the vows.

That would have been one awesome wedding to be at :-)

The summary instantly sucked me in. At first, I didn't realize it was Harley dreaming, though maybe I should have since it was in italics. Lol. Cut to their wedding day, and I love that Jimmy came in prepared with a glass of wine. Let's be honest, that's a true best friend. Hahaa. The bit where Matt proposed was adorable. I love that the guys were there and that she agreed to marry "all of them", because I feel like that holds a truth: you don't marry just one, you kind of marry the whole group. Obviously, I can't say that from experience. Lol. But it's just what I imagine. Of course, after getting good and drunk, they'd then decide that spontaneous vows would be a good idea. That made me laugh. And then when she was standing in front of Matt and he seemed kind of miffed about her being drunk, I was like "uh oh, Harley." Mr. Sanders ain't too happy. Hahaa. But his vows were super cute and I love that Harley just shocked him and their guests by her question. I like how you incorporated the quote in and the timing that you did it. I can only imagine being at a wedding and having a bride ask that question to her groom. I also really liked how you added in the small bit of several years later. It made it complete. That wedding gown is gorgeous and those kids are adorable! I really enjoyed your one-shot and once more, thanks for entering! :)