Night & Day - Comments

I'm not sure how I feel about this story. At first I was liking it though I thought it was gong a little fast, but then I don't know something about it is just strange to me. I like your characters and how you have developed and are developing them and the plot is good, but I don't know, maybe it's because I feel your story has moved quicker than I thought it would. I'm definitely going to continue to read though and subscribe.

the word play in this is great the talk of death and love in the same subject isn't easy to pull off, but you made it work. one thing i should mention is that this is more a prologue then a first chapter so i would suggest rendering it that way since it ends with 'here is my story' another thing death isn't always slow, unless your talking about her death then it should be 'my death is slow and peaceful.' but otherwise i enjoyed the first chapter.

This story is amazing! i am so hooked. The story line in really good =) update soon i cant wait

Comment Swap
I love this story and as I started reading I was hooked, I couldnt find any mistakes in the story and I really like the layout. I'm really sorry I'm commenting through comment swap again but they gave me this story again. Anyhow keep up the great work.

Comment Swap~

This story catches me right away. They way you describe the situation just instantly clicks inside my head. I love the layout. It's unique and to me it seems to go with the story. I could just be weird like that :P Keep up with the good work. This story has a nice atmosphere to it and it's very easy to get sucked into this story. Good job! :)

Comment Swap brought me here. It's not that often when I do comment swap that I actually really really like a story and intend on subscribing. Your story is pretty cool, I love the characters and the relationship between the main character and her dad. The only thing that bothered me, and this is just me being me, but I felt the text box was way too wide for my liking. But anyway, I don't usually care for layouts but I think yours is cool. I only got to read the first few chapters but I will definitely read on =)

Comment swap. I love this story it has great characters and a great story line. I couldnt see any grammar mistakes so thats good. I recommended and subscribed to this as well so please update soon

I love this story, update ASAP please ^_^ <3

{Comment Swap}.
I like the layout for this, it's simple. The only thing that some-what bugs me is the background for it. It takes away my attention from the story, sorry to say.
The summary was great, it captivated me and made me want to read more about the story. Great job.
The characters were well described, and I could just imagine them perfectly. A+ for doing that. ;)
The plot was long, but lovely. I liked it, and I don't usually read these kinds of stories. So, huge brownie points for making me like some of these. The only thing that I saw was that there wasn't that many commas where there was supposed to be, which isn't that big of a deal, but comes in great use when writing.
So, other than the background, this story is just wonderful. Good luck! Recommended and subscribed. I can't wait to read more!

Hello dear author. XD I was brought to this interesting story of yours from comment swap. First of all, I liked the title. It was simple and nice, though I liked the previous title more. The summary wasn't as eye-catching as it should be but the preface was. c: Brownie points for that! Xd I liked the length of your chapters and the way you described Emilly's past at the first chapter. You know how to use the right amount of dialogue and detailed descriptions and that worked to your advantage. The whole thing till now is written beautifully and with no grammar/spelling mistakes. Keep up the great work. That's all from me so bye. Xd ~Marian

Hello dear author. XD I was brought to this interesting story of yours from comment swap. First of all, I liked the title. It was simple and nice, though I liked the previous title more. The summary wasn't as eye-catching as it should be but the preface was. c: Brownie points for that! Xd I liked the length of your chapters and the way you described Emilly's past at the first chapter. You know how to use the right amount of dialogue and detailed descriptions and that worked to your advantage. The whole thing till now is written beautifully and with no grammar/spelling mistakes. Keep up the great work. That's all from me so bye. Xd ~Marian

comment swap!
I love the layout, though personally I'd have chosen a seamless repeating background but it's my personal pet peeve.

I really enjoy the story, it's smooth and clean without what I call 'rough edges' when there are constant inconsistent spots in emotion and persona throughout the story. The characters are all well developed and it's a great story that keeps you reading. I love it. Thanks for sharing it.

I love your vocabulary, or, more specifically, your use of it. You draw the reader in through extensive use of imagery and playing on the human emotion. It honestly is brilliant :D I commend you on your beautifully simple layout as well. Not to mention, I don't believe I saw any spelling or grammar errors.

@ gabbin
Thank you I'll fix those right away hahaha. I'm so glad someone likes it! Really I hardly ever hear anything about my stories.

Hi, I'm from Comment Swap. c:
Let me start off by saying your use of imagery is incredible. The way you described all of Emily's feelings when being around Derek is on point. I've read the first three chapters and I love it so far. My only critique I'd give you is that on some sentences, there aren't any commas where there should be, but it's nothing major. Also in the third chapter, you called Mr. Mason "Mr. Miller" twice. I was confused for a bit, hah. But I'm definitely recommending, keep it up :D

Thanks. :D And no problem.

@ Robin 'The Sidekick'
Thank you so much (: I'm glad you liked what you read! It was nice to hear some feed back. I hope you feel better soon!

I have to say, I love the summary. It gives me a look at what's ahead but it still leaves me guessing, good job with that. The first chapter was interesting. It captured my attention and made me wonder what would be happening in this story. I like how you talk about death and relate the saying “Looks can be deceiving” to it. It made the entire chapter a bit more interesting and made me want to know why the character felt that way. And then you turned your attention to love. That gave it a twist too. And you drew the reader in at the end. I liked that. I actually read chapter two as well, which I normally don’t read two chapters on a comment swap.

It was long, but interesting. You started off talking about school and how some people see it, but how this character sees it. You brought the right amount of dialogue and the right about of description in. Your detail is pretty lovely. You do a good job with helping people imagine that they’re the character, that’s something that some readers find hard to do. But great job with that. Thanks comment swap for this story. I’m recommending, so keep it up!

And I’m sorry if my comment wasn't enthusiastic. I’m sick.

"Most people would consider it "fun" but maybe to them fun was the passing of the notes and all that." For some reason I thought that line was really accurate and insightful, and as a starting line in the 2nd chapter, it really works to set the mood right from there :)