Proud - Comments

I’m here as the new judge for the ‘Pre-Writes #2’ contest.

So the overall concept (kid doesn’t really want to take over the family business because they have other ambitions) isn’t unique in the grand scheme of things, but I did like how you wrote it. Especially in such a setting like being the daughter of Tony Stark. That would definitely provide an interesting life and unique struggles that a majority of people don’t really know. I do like how you grounded Peace so she didn’t have the attitude of a spoiled brat, but you also acknowledged that she is spoiled in the sense that Tony buys her all these “best of the best” gadgets, she lives in a mansion, she gets a private tutor for art, and she has the option to go to a high-class college. It made it easier for me to like her and connect to her because she acknowledged her privilege and didn’t take advantage of it too much. She was still a teenager with typical teenager problems like school, and she had a bit of Tony’s spunk, which made me laugh. I did like that in the end, she got what she wanted and Tony also got what he wanted and he was proud of her anyway.

The only problem I really had with this was the abundance of errors and awkward sentences. I had a hard time finding a consistent flow in the prose because there were a lot of clumsy transitions in both dialogue and narrative because of errors. You used the wrong word at points or you would write the sentence in such a way that it was confusing at first. I found myself editing more than actually reading at first, so I’d have to reread things. It was really distracting for me because I couldn’t get into it. I thought you had a promising story, but it could use a little editing from a second party maybe? It might help to have a second pair of eyes read it over.

Other than that, I thought this was a cute story that definitely portrayed a good family dynamic and loving side of Tony Stark so good job!

This is beautifully written!
I really love how you had her drive to want to prove to her father that she could make something of herself!

This is beautifully written!
I really love how you had her drive to want to prove to her father that she could make something of herself!

Bam! You've finished it! I love it! :D

I adore the Avengers (and I have a soft spot for Tony) so I love this already! And I have a massive love for the GIF you've chosen for your layout. MASSIVE love.

The idea of Tony having a daughter absolutely cracks me up, seriously. You've honestly got his characterisation down to a T (I loved the sledgehammer bit) and you write him so well. I also love Peace. She seems to have taken a little bit of her dad's personality on board, but I love that she's still a typical teenager. She has all of her own burdens as well as the pressure of knowing that she'll take on the family business on day and I think that's an interesting combination. I love her reaction to her stalker, it's so typically teenage and it allows the reader to relate to her everyday worries and cares.

In terms of concrit, it's the same as I've said in the past 2 comments. Watch the dialogue in general. bare with me should be bear with me and when you're writing about named technology, they should be capitalised correctly (iPhone and iPad, for example).

I really think this is super-cute!

@ Grump Bunny
I'll fix that as well :) thank you for the concrit and the lovely comment hehe

I love the idea of the story, and I can completely see Tony jumping up and down wanting to name his daughter Peace. "extravagant house until I reaches the large kitchen." I think it should be reach, to keep with the present tense.

This is just two cute, Tony would make an awesome dad.

@ Neche Narcissist
Thank you

I like the voice in this story very much, Peace's personality shines through very well.

I also love that name lol.

I like this idea very much, very realiztic also with the fact that she doesn't want the responsiblity so soon and stuff. I enjoyed this, keep up the good work.

@ Psychotic Secrets
thank you :) I'll probably go back and rewite it so it's more detailed haha

First Stark story ever to read, I enjoyed it very much. I really like her name, it fits very well. The last chapter seemed to go by very fast but overall it was a really good story:)

@ Phil's Baby Hina @ xXLoveForEternityXx
awww thanks guys

Wonder if there will be a baby avengers hehe!!
Nice start! Can't wait to see more!

Ahaha this is so cute and funny. Poor Peace. Pepper is definitely pushy in this chapter but she does clean up Tony's messes. I love this chapter and this story. I can't wait to read more. Great job.